I miss him, I miss "us"-- and this is an understatement. I miss him so much but what I miss the most is how we used to be. Things have changed a lot and I can't seem to keep up with how they are moving. I keep my feet buried on the ground - I don't want to move, I want things to be the way they were - when everything was simple and carefree. For a moment, I simply want to turn back time. To when everything was candies and apples, when we would hold each other's hands and take life's surprises hand in hand. I miss those times when I had him by my side everyday, when he was always within reach. But he seems so far away now. A thousand miles away from me. We have been like this for a year or so, but it just doesn't seem to get better. Everyday is a heartache. I wake up thinking that I won't get to spend the day with him, I won't get to feel his touch, to feel the comfort of his embrace. I want to feel him. I try my very best to keep a cheerful mood but sometimes (like now), it just gets to my system and I start feeling miserable. I can't do anything about that now. I simply have to digest the fact that things have changed and I have to live life the way it is; and stop dwelling on the past. Things are tougher and more complicated now. It's all a part of growing up and learning new lessons. After all, everything's a gamble. We learn from our mistakes and grow from them. Life offers us a lot of choices; our happiness depends upon how we choose to take life - the easy way or the difficult way. I guess everything just has its time. And I can wait until the time comes for us to be together again - ugh and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I know I should be happy - I am happy. Having him in my life is enough reason for me to become happy (even more). But there are times when I simply want what most of us desire - to be in his arms and savor every waking minute that you are together, to look into his eyes and tell him how much he means. Dreams. That's what I am full of now. I am full of dreams and wishes and hopes. I keep counting the days until we're together again, dreaming of how ecstatic life would be having him around.

This may sound very mushy for those who aren't in my situation. Spare me, I am entitled to become emotional once in a while. I do miss my boyfriend and i would trade anything just to be with him again. I love him so much that I won't let this distance get in the way, this won't make me give up. He feels the same way too, I believe. I can't wait until I can feel him again. 'til then, we just have to keep going, live our lives and keep chasing our dreams. Yep, nothing's gonna change how I feel towards him.

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P.S. I post most of my entries here -- http://iryngracie.multiply.com
You can go check my other posts there. Thank You! I missed Blogger.

I am hanging on to a rope, one move and it's all over-- I fall... Yes. And what exactly am I thinking this very moment? NOTHING.....

I don't wanna be saved. I don't wanna ask for help. All I wanna do is let go, fall, and get this over with. I really wish that someone would save me the burden and cut off the rope already. I don't care what happens to me, all I know is I wouldn't know unless I get there as fast as I can. But what am I to do now? Let go or hold on? I honestly do not know. I just want to be free from all these. I am hurting very much. I never had this feeling since long time ago. And I am not my whole self anymore. Every piece of me has been shattered and nothing can bring them back together. Its as if a vase was thrown off a 10-story building-- There's nothing you can do to bring them back, no matter how hard you try. And in my case, I would rather stay unfixed than to get it fixed and regain the chance to experience it one more time. I'm tired. I've had enough. I want to quit. I want to end this..........

I just can't get hold of my emotions right now. I feel like breaking down and nothing's gonna make me feel better. Call me stupid, irrational, immature....I don't give a shit. Let me be. I am appointed to my own emotions and all I wanna do right now is to stop feeling what I am feeling. My mind is racing...Going through so much. I wonder when I would stop hurting. I don't know..... I am pissed. I am angry. But I am hurting more. It hit me through and through. I am left with no choice but to let go, get this over with, and put an end to everything.

Reminiscing the days when we first both met, it was more than fate holding me back....

Those are the first lines to a song that I love to sing. Yes. Today I am blogging because I am walking down memory lane and I am feeling all sentimental about how our "love story" began. Corny as it may seem, we get this feeling a few times in our lives when we are, must I say, in love.

It was the first week of classes and I was literally very psyched about becoming a college frosh. I saw new faces, met up with old pals, and got to know many different people. But among the people I met around school, there was someone who stood out and instantly caught my eye--yes, it was you. Our eyes met for a few seconds when we were going about our individual lives. You walked past me and I made my way to class. You were just a stranger to me but since then, I couldn't stop thinking about who you really were. I had the urge to get to know you. I wanted to know you..

The week went by and our paths kept crossing. I kept on seeing you around but I didn't know if you noticed me too. Our eyes always met, I felt butterflies, and all I could do was to look away. You were someone I couldn't get off my mind. I would tell my friends about you and we would all go "kilig" about it. Yes, I was very shallow then. Even the slightest glance from you turned my world upside down. You officially became my crush when I interviewed my friends about you. You were the reason why I stayed in school after class. You were the reason why I enjoyed walking around campus during breaks. And you were the reason why I was enjoying my first few days in college..

The moment I knew that you asked for my number was the best minute of my life. I would trade anything just to repeat that moment over and over and over and over again... I immediately purchased load for my phone and waited with both hands cupped on my chin, for your reply. Call me desperate or flirty, I don't care.

Late that night, we started texting. I even remember the very first message you sent me and you even misspelled my name. Hmmp. Bad impression. Bawas pogi points, please. We texted the whole night while I was watching PBB Season 2. Haha. Oh yes, I remember all those things pretty well. I stayed up late just to converse with you and I did not regret waking up with huge eyebags. Instead, I was very elated and I kept on reading your messages over and over. Hahaha! I was so in love.

The days went by and I came to know you better. You seemed to be the most amazing person to me. It was fun unlocking mysteries about you and getting to know you was such an exciting, wonderful moment. But there was still so much I didn't know about you.

After a month or so, we officially became a couple. Yaiks! I was very happy. My crush who also had a crush on me was now my boyfriend. Yaaaaaaay for that! :)

Now back to reality....

Looking at us now, it makes me realize how much we've grown in this relationship. Due to the many trials that came our way, we both became stronger and more mature. We went past the I-need-to-know-your-whereabouts-every-minute stage. Trust was very important in this relationship. We trusted each other more and we accepted each other for who we truly are.

Things now are a little more complicated than how it was before. Sometimes, I couldn't help but wish that we went back to that carefree, problem-free relationship before. But come to think of it, everything now is great. Despite the distance, we continue to grow stronger and mature. Our relationship has blossomed and everything that has happened is worth keeping and worth remembering. There is nothing in our relationship that I regret. I am very thankful that we are still together inspite of our problems. The future isn't that far enough as we may think it is, and I plan to spend every minute of it with you. :) I love you.

**

The Secret, a film produced by Prime Time Productions, consists of a series of interviews related to "The Law of Attraction".

Okay, so when I first heard about The Secret, it was from my sister. Her friend introduced this to her and told her about how it really worked for her. So, my sister decided to check it out since there was nothing wrong if she did it. And when I got to watch it for myself, I also found out that the movie was about how we view life and how positive we are about it. It's simple, we just have to live, love life, and always have positive thoughts for what we think will always reflect what will happen to us.

The Secret reveals the most powerful law in the universe. The knowledge of this law has run like a golden thread through the lives and the teachings of all the prophets, seers, sages and saviors in the world's history, and through the lives of all truly great men and women. All that they have ever accomplished or attained has been done in full accordance with this most powerful law.

Without exception, every human being has the ability to transform any weakness or suffering into strength, power, perfect peace, health, and abundance.

Rhonda Byrne's discovery of The Secret began with a glimpse of the truth through a 100 year old book. She went back through centuries, tracing and uncovering a common truth that lay at the core of the most powerful philosophies, teachings and religions in the world.

What Rhonda discovered is now captured in The Secret, a film that has been viewed by millions around the world. The Secret has also been released as an audio-book and printed book with more than six million copies in print.

The Secret reveals the natural law that is governing all lives. By applying the knowledge of this law, you can change every aspect of your life.

This is the secret to prosperity, health, relationships and happiness. This is the secret to life. --http://www.thesecret.tv/