Me, Myself, and Iryn.

Everything's a Gamble

2009-05-26T21:38:00.001+08:00

I miss him, I miss "us"-- and this is an understatement. I miss him so much but what I miss the most is how we used to be. Things have changed a lot and I can't seem to keep up with how they are moving. I keep my feet buried on the ground - I don't want to move, I want things to be the way they were - when everything was simple and carefree. For a moment, I simply want to turn back time. To when everything was candies and apples, when we would hold each other's hands and take life's surprises hand in hand. I miss those times when I had him by my side everyday, when he was always within reach. But he seems so far away now. A thousand miles away from me. We have been like this for a year or so, but it just doesn't seem to get better. Everyday is a heartache. I wake up thinking that I won't get to spend the day with him, I won't get to feel his touch, to feel the comfort of his embrace. I want to feel him. I try my very best to keep a cheerful mood but sometimes (like now), it just gets to my system and I start feeling miserable. I can't do anything about that now. I simply have to digest the fact that things have changed and I have to live life the way it is; and stop dwelling on the past. Things are tougher and more complicated now. It's all a part of growing up and learning new lessons. After all, everything's a gamble. We learn from our mistakes and grow from them. Life offers us a lot of choices; our happiness depends upon how we choose to take life - the easy way or the difficult way. I guess everything just has its time. And I can wait until the time comes for us to be together again - ugh and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I know I should be happy - I am happy. Having him in my life is enough reason for me to become happy (even more). But there are times when I simply want what most of us desire - to be in his arms and savor every waking minute that you are together, to look into his eyes and tell him how much he means. Dreams. That's what I am full of now. I am full of dreams and wishes and hopes. I keep counting the days until we're together again, dreaming of how ecstatic life would be having him around.

This may sound very mushy for those who aren't in my situation. Spare me, I am entitled to become emotional once in a while. I do miss my boyfriend and i would trade anything just to be with him again. I love him so much that I won't let this distance get in the way, this won't make me give up. He feels the same way too, I believe. I can't wait until I can feel him again. 'til then, we just have to keep going, live our lives and keep chasing our dreams. Yep, nothing's gonna change how I feel towards him.

--

P.S. I post most of my entries here -- http://iryngracie.multiply.com
You can go check my other posts there. Thank You! I missed Blogger.

I Wish I Was

2009-04-19T11:03:00.005+08:00

numb...

So nothing and NO ONE could hurt me,
the way I am hurting now... =(

Untitled

2009-04-18T23:12:00.007+08:00

I am hanging on to a rope, one move and it's all over-- I fall... Yes. And what exactly am I thinking this very moment? NOTHING.....

I don't wanna be saved. I don't wanna ask for help. All I wanna do is let go, fall, and get this over with. I really wish that someone would save me the burden and cut off the rope already. I don't care what happens to me, all I know is I wouldn't know unless I get there as fast as I can. But what am I to do now? Let go or hold on? I honestly do not know. I just want to be free from all these. I am hurting very much. I never had this feeling since long time ago. And I am not my whole self anymore. Every piece of me has been shattered and nothing can bring them back together. Its as if a vase was thrown off a 10-story building-- There's nothing you can do to bring them back, no matter how hard you try. And in my case, I would rather stay unfixed than to get it fixed and regain the chance to experience it one more time. I'm tired. I've had enough. I want to quit. I want to end this..........

I just can't get hold of my emotions right now. I feel like breaking down and nothing's gonna make me feel better. Call me stupid, irrational, immature....I don't give a shit. Let me be. I am appointed to my own emotions and all I wanna do right now is to stop feeling what I am feeling. My mind is racing...Going through so much. I wonder when I would stop hurting. I don't know..... I am pissed. I am angry. But I am hurting more. It hit me through and through. I am left with no choice but to let go, get this over with, and put an end to everything.

Nostalgia and A Whole Lot More

2009-04-09T12:12:00.005+08:00

Reminiscing the days when we first both met, it was more than fate holding me back....

Those are the first lines to a song that I love to sing. Yes. Today I am blogging because I am walking down memory lane and I am feeling all sentimental about how our "love story" began. Corny as it may seem, we get this feeling a few times in our lives when we are, must I say, in love.

It was the first week of classes and I was literally very psyched about becoming a college frosh. I saw new faces, met up with old pals, and got to know many different people. But among the people I met around school, there was someone who stood out and instantly caught my eye--yes, it was you. Our eyes met for a few seconds when we were going about our individual lives. You walked past me and I made my way to class. You were just a stranger to me but since then, I couldn't stop thinking about who you really were. I had the urge to get to know you. I wanted to know you..

The week went by and our paths kept crossing. I kept on seeing you around but I didn't know if you noticed me too. Our eyes always met, I felt butterflies, and all I could do was to look away. You were someone I couldn't get off my mind. I would tell my friends about you and we would all go "kilig" about it. Yes, I was very shallow then. Even the slightest glance from you turned my world upside down. You officially became my crush when I interviewed my friends about you. You were the reason why I stayed in school after class. You were the reason why I enjoyed walking around campus during breaks. And you were the reason why I was enjoying my first few days in college..

The moment I knew that you asked for my number was the best minute of my life. I would trade anything just to repeat that moment over and over and over and over again... I immediately purchased load for my phone and waited with both hands cupped on my chin, for your reply. Call me desperate or flirty, I don't care.

Late that night, we started texting. I even remember the very first message you sent me and you even misspelled my name. Hmmp. Bad impression. Bawas pogi points, please. We texted the whole night while I was watching PBB Season 2. Haha. Oh yes, I remember all those things pretty well. I stayed up late just to converse with you and I did not regret waking up with huge eyebags. Instead, I was very elated and I kept on reading your messages over and over. Hahaha! I was so in love.

The days went by and I came to know you better. You seemed to be the most amazing person to me. It was fun unlocking mysteries about you and getting to know you was such an exciting, wonderful moment. But there was still so much I didn't know about you.

After a month or so, we officially became a couple. Yaiks! I was very happy. My crush who also had a crush on me was now my boyfriend. Yaaaaaaay for that! :)

Now back to reality....

Looking at us now, it makes me realize how much we've grown in this relationship. Due to the many trials that came our way, we both became stronger and more mature. We went past the I-need-to-know-your-whereabouts-every-minute stage. Trust was very important in this relationship. We trusted each other more and we accepted each other for who we truly are.

Things now are a little more complicated than how it was before. Sometimes, I couldn't help but wish that we went back to that carefree, problem-free relationship before. But come to think of it, everything now is great. Despite the distance, we continue to grow stronger and mature. Our relationship has blossomed and everything that has happened is worth keeping and worth remembering. There is nothing in our relationship that I regret. I am very thankful that we are still together inspite of our problems. The future isn't that far enough as we may think it is, and I plan to spend every minute of it with you. :) I love you.

**

Happy 21st monthsary, Babe!

Top 2 Summer Getaways

2009-04-07T10:31:00.006+08:00

My top 2 summer getaways. :)

Dakak Beach Resort

Ooooh! I was here last year but I would still love to spend another summer vacation here. :)

Boracay

Who would not want to set foot on this paradise? Well, not me, that's for sure. I would die to spend even just a week here. Haha! And I know that's gonna happen real soon (but not this summer though) :D

Oh well, since I got summer classes that means I won't be able to go on vacation. How sad. I just hope that summer class would end earlier so maybe we could squeeze in even just a little time for vacation. But first I have to ask permission from my parents. Hehe. Oh pretty please. :)) I really could use a little bit of unwinding and relaxing. Psh.

The Secret to You

2009-04-01T09:21:00.009+08:00

Let me give you a definition of "The Secret" which I got from Wikipedia.

The Secret, a film produced by Prime Time Productions, consists of a series of interviews related to "The Law of Attraction".

Okay, so when I first heard about The Secret, it was from my sister. Her friend introduced this to her and told her about how it really worked for her. So, my sister decided to check it out since there was nothing wrong if she did it. And when I got to watch it for myself, I also found out that the movie was about how we view life and how positive we are about it. It's simple, we just have to live, love life, and always have positive thoughts for what we think will always reflect what will happen to us.

The Secret reveals the most powerful law in the universe. The knowledge of this law has run like a golden thread through the lives and the teachings of all the prophets, seers, sages and saviors in the world's history, and through the lives of all truly great men and women. All that they have ever accomplished or attained has been done in full accordance with this most powerful law.

Without exception, every human being has the ability to transform any weakness or suffering into strength, power, perfect peace, health, and abundance.

Rhonda Byrne's discovery of The Secret began with a glimpse of the truth through a 100 year old book. She went back through centuries, tracing and uncovering a common truth that lay at the core of the most powerful philosophies, teachings and religions in the world.

What Rhonda discovered is now captured in The Secret, a film that has been viewed by millions around the world. The Secret has also been released as an audio-book and printed book with more than six million copies in print.

The Secret reveals the natural law that is governing all lives. By applying the knowledge of this law, you can change every aspect of your life.

This is the secret to prosperity, health, relationships and happiness. This is the secret to life. --http://www.thesecret.tv/

April

2009-03-31T18:47:00.006+08:00

This post is a day early but never mind.
I might forget to post this tomorrow.

UPCOMING EVENTS FOR APRIL 2009:

1 April - Nik's departure for Manila
2 April - Consultation, Nik's departure for America
6 April - Enrollment for summer class
9 April - 21st month
13 April - 1st day of summer class
18 April - Gladys' (my cousin) birthday
26 April - Nik's 21st birthday

I still don't know about the remaining events in store for April yet so this will do for now.

No title. LOL.

2009-03-31T17:55:00.007+08:00

.I don't know who you are but if you don't let my daughter go, I will find you.. I will kill you.

Last March 27, 2009, I had to go to school to attend a make-up class in Physics 111 (don't ask me why we had to have a make-up class since final exams were over and the grades were already finished). I got the chance to see my final exam grade and compute for my final grade--which isn't that bad at all. LOL. The class was supposed to go on 'til 5 in the afternoon but I wanted to take the opportunity of spending time with Nikole since he only had a few more days here in Zamboanga City. So we had lunch at KFC and headed off to the mall. On our way to the mall, we met up with his family and headed to Chowking with them (despite the fact that we were very bloated already). We were given halo-halo and Black Gulaman---my fave! After a little chat and some munching, we took off for the mall. On the way, we were arguing on which movie to watch. We decided to watch Watchmen first but then I suggested watching Taken (as a joke) because Nik had been talking about it days ago. Guess what? He thought I was serious and so we had to watch it then...

OMFG! The movie was cool after all. LOL. I found it interesting from the start and really liked it. It was a movie about a father's (former spy) love for his daughter who was forced into slave trade. Now I won't go telling the story here. Haha. To top it up, it was an interesting movie. Enough about that now.

Nik will be leaving (again) tomorrow. Hmmmp. I feel sad but well I know he will be back soon so I've got nothing to worry about. I trust him big time and that's what matters. I had fun with his stay here although it was only for a short while. We couldn't avoid having arguments but we worked it out at the end of the day-- and that's what I like about the two of us. No matter how tough a problem is, we get to talk about it and become okay. I'm gonna miss him but that wouldn't get in the way of our luuurrve. :)

Bitchslap that face.

2009-03-29T07:38:00.000+08:00

Imma b*tchslap her, really.
Shame. No sense of uniqueness. Pity her and her ways.
Arrrrgh she's so getting into my nerves.
I guess she just doesn't have the intelligent mind to formulate meaningful words from her own vocabulary, Oh I guess she doesn't have one (both the mind and the vocabulary)
I pity her studipidity.

Grrr, biiitttch!

Finals week.

2009-03-23T19:50:00.003+08:00

Two down, two more to go..

~~NCM 102~~
~~RS 112~~
Chem 209
Phys 111

Surprise, surprise!

2009-03-22T17:00:00.002+08:00

Owkay. How do I start? Hmmmm. Last March 18, at around 1pm, I was at Blue Vibes attending a classmate's birthday party with my friends when Nik (my boyfriend) told me that he was sick and that he might fall asleep. (Remember, he's in America). So, I said okay and asked him to rest...

At around 3am, I suddenly woke up and checked my phone for his messages but there were none so I felt bad and fell back to sleep..

At approximately 5am, my phone rang (Nik's kuya's number calling me), and half awake, I answered it... I was trembling cause I thought that something bad had happened to Nik.

Familiar Voice: Hello Iryn?
Iryn: Hello?
Familiar Voice: Hello? Iryn?
Familiar Voice: Ang init naman dito sa Pinas..
(I was shocked....)
Iryn: Sino 'to?
Familiar Voice: Ang init naman dito sa Pinas..
Iryn: Sino 'to?
Familiar Voice: Ako to!

Holy sheeeeeeeep! It was Nik and he was here in the Philippines!!!!

Iryn: Talaga?
Nik: Oo, kasama ko sila Mommy at Inah (his younger sister). Graduation kasi ni Ate.
Iryn: Sira ka talaga!

Blahblahblah.. And so we hung up and guess what? I couldn't go back to sleep anymore. I was excited and all. He was back!!! Yay!

Boo for Finals, Yay for Online Books!

2009-03-18T14:12:00.004+08:00

Our final exams are scheduled next week and guess what, I haven't started doing what I have to do. Hurray for me! Well, that's nothing to be shocked about, I guess. After all, I have always been the queen of cramming and panicking and worrying. Well, enough about that.

I came by a site which was heaven on the net for me. A huge smile crossed my face when I first laid eyes on this MARVELOUS, WONDERFUL website. (Thank you to the magnificent minds who created it) :D For those who love to read, as much as I do, this is the place for us. Click on the link and enjoy paradise.

Paradise

Pardon me but its just that I have been deprived from my passion these past few years due to time constraint and my very very busy schedule in school. And not to mention, the very limited choice of good books here in Zamboanga. I remember having to contact my aunt in the United States just to send me books to read. Well, that was years ago. Now, I need not bug her -- I have my savior. Yaaaaaaay! Well, of course, it wouldn't be that exciting because I would not be able to savor turning every page as I go on. But since the net is the easiest and conducive way for me to enjoy reading, then I shall give it a go. I am currently reading "The Secret Adversary" by Agatha Christie and it seems to be a great book already (FYI, I'm just on the 1st chapter).

One more chapter of The Secret Adversary and I promise to start studying for the finals. Hahahahah! :))

Super Friends

2009-03-14T14:48:00.001+08:00

Just like every human being, I also go through those most unwanted moments in my life. Moments when I feel that nobody cares for me and the whole universe is against me. Sometimes, I pity myself for feeling that way, but there are people who come and lighten just about the darkest emotions I may have- my friends. I admit that I'm a bit choosy when it comes to the people I hang out with but these people are an exemption. I never chose them, it just happened that our personalities blended perfectly and we were simply made to become friends.

They are my instant picker-uppers when I'm down. My back up when everything seems to go against me. They make me feel loved and special despite my insecurities, my flaws, and my mood swings(hahahaha I had to say that). And I thank them for that. Every simple gesture of comfort, appreciation, and care makes me feel whole again. They are those people who can turn even the most negative emotion into a positive one. I'm glad to have people like them in my life. I guess time has truly tested the magic of having great friends in my life and I am very blessed to have them. I may have a lot of friends but only a few of them have proven themselves to be worthy of my trust and my friendship. :)

To my Super Friends: Chum, Niza, Lorraine, Jinky, Keenah, Uchay, Adrian.

You guys are the best and though we don't get to spend much time together, I know we will always be there for each other. Cheers to more and more years of friendship. Love you all bigtime! Corny ba? C'mon. Give me a chance, ngayon lang to.

Gimme Some Peace of Mind

2009-03-10T13:18:00.000+08:00

I'm in a state of severe melancholy and anxiety. If someone asked me what I wanted in a relationship, the first thing that would come to my mind is LOVE (and that would be a day ago). But come to think of it, it can never be called a relationship when love isn't involved, right? Just lately, I have been thinking things over and over and I have placed my deepest emotions to it. If today, I would be asked the same question, I would say PEACE OF MIND. You ask me why?

A true relationship involves all the magnificent emotions in the universe, and when I mean magnificent, I mean all the ecstasy and those mushy stuff (refer to previous posts). But in the long run, you come to realize that there are other aspects that make up a true relationship and one of them is FAITHFULNESS. Being faithful requires a lot of effort especially if you are the type of person who just can't get contented with a single relationship (pardon me). Modesty aside, I can say that I am indeed a faithful lover. It has never happened that I got caught cheating or whatsoever. I am the type of person who loves with all her heart and soul (and yes, I mean that). I love until nothing's left of me and that's what makes it wrong. I love too much and I don't spare anything for me. And when things don't go well, I am the one left alone-- crying. Now that's bad.

When I said PEACE OF MIND, I meant that feeling when you check your partner's mail, you feel confident that you won't find anything that would cause you to doubt him. When you check his phone, you won't find anything suspicious at all. And when he says that he's out with his friends, you know very much that he really is telling the truth.; and you can go ahead and sleep soundly at night. The thing that I want in relationships is that feeling of confidence and trust. Its that time when he says that he would be out with his friends and you don't get paranoid and all. You don't contact him every second just to know that he is where he is supposed to be.. And I want that to happen to me.. :(

Reach for your dreams

2009-03-07T22:50:00.003+08:00

This may sound cliche. But whatever.
Just lately, I have been having thoughts about my future. Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder where I will be heading; what would happen to me after my college years. It's never too early to start thinking about a career because the future isn't that far away as we think it is.

Eversince I was little, I have always wanted to become a doctor. Of course, I was too naive then. I thought that when I grow up, that dream would eventually change. But it never did. There were times when I thought of entering law school but over time, I would still go back to my childhood dream of becoming a doctor. :) As I entered college, I carried that dream with me. Yes, I do want to pursue my dream because I know that it is what I really yearn for. Not to mention, I already have my choice of universities listed. Hahahaha. For now, all I have to do is to do my best, finish nursing, graduate, pass the NLE, take up medicine, graduate, and become an M.D. :D

What a joy it would be to become a doctor someday.
Of course, nothing is impossible as long as we remain positive and reach for our dreams!

dad at 13

2009-02-17T16:00:00.002+08:00

"When I saw these pictures this morning, I just thought how worrying that in Britain today children are having children. I hope that somehow these children grow up into responsible parents but the truth is parenthood is just not something they should be thinking about right now." (http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece)

The site above contained a story of a 13 year old boy who impregnated his 15 year old girlfriend; after nine months, she gave birth to a baby girl. I had several different emotions as I read the story-- one was shock. How could kids at such a young age be able to support the baby? Of course, they could get some support from their parents but that wouldn't be enough. I know its none of my business to meddle with their lives but their story just brought a great shock to me. The boy in the picture just looked like the baby's elder brother. Well, I hope they learn to become responsible enough to care and mold their child into a better person in the future. :)

You can go and visit the site for the whole story.

i'll be missing you

2009-02-16T17:29:00.002+08:00

Nik just left for America and its breaking my heart. I am really going to miss him. Now I know the importance of a person being physically present in your life. Yes, it means so much. Arrgh. I don't know why this has to happen to us. But he need not worry cause I'll be waiting for him right here, just here. I had so much fun having Nik around. It was great to be able to hug him, kiss him, hold his hands, feel him... But now, we have to sacrifice a little bit more. We have to be physically apart again. Although it hurts deep, I can manage as long as he sticks with me. I'll be willing to take whatever pain and sacrifice we have to experience as long as we will be together again. Hmmp too much drama. I know. Pardon me, I just feel very emotional right now.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

All pampered up

2009-01-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

Oooh this day was oh so relaxing. Nik and I planned to try out those spas. HAHAHA and yes we did. We headed off to this spa called "Thai Body Massage" grrr I'm really not sure about the name though. LOL. So anyway, when we arrived at the spa, its as if I was brought to another country. Really. Their set up was so effective I got carried away. :)) They also had a background music to match their theme and the ambience was so inviting. Pardon me but it was my first time to be in such place. (I feel shy now) Pft. So anyway, I felt so pampered and I guess I deserved it. Weeeeee. :)

After the spascapade, Nik and I headed to the salon. And yes, these were my exact lines, "Beb, para tayong girl power best friends neto ha." He just smiled. I was glad cause he was being flexible to my wants. Although I know he also wanted to be pampered as much as I did. So, it was all fair. Hmmm I promise to go out and shoot some hoops with you, Beb. Mark my word. HAHAHHA. :)) After the salon, we headed off to 3rd Cup and had our merienda there. Nik got fed up cause he waited so long for his order and I was busy muching on my carbonara already. Hehe. I told him I was hungry. :D He had to attend a party so he took me home at around 530 in the afternoon. It was all good- the afternoon was so relaxing and we even termed this day as our "Lazy Day". Hehehe I guess everyone needs some time off every now and then- and we just did. :)

My Dad and Sister are now in Manila. Yep, together with my Mommy!! Yipeeeee! :) Mom's coming home and I'm so happy about it. Can't wait to hug her. Everything's just fine now. I have never been more content with how things are running. Oh yeah, I had my midterm exams last week and it was a pain. I only felt confident on 1 exam out of 4. Boohooo! Pity me. I studied real hard but the exam questions were just incredibly difficult and out of this world. All I have to do now is to hope that I get good grades to make everyone, including myself happy. Please oh puhleeeeeeeeeeeeees.

farewell, holidays!

2009-01-03T18:04:00.004+08:00

Saaaad.

The holidays are over and its back to reality for me. On Monday, I will be having my duty at Gov. Alvarez health center and I still haven't done anything productive. I haven't started doing my requirements for next week's duty and I haven't even brushed off the enormous pile of dust covering my Maternal and Child Health Nursing book and start studying for an exam on Thursday. The holidays have have been very addictive. Oh so addictive that I slept so late and woke up oh so late as well- but of course, I also squeezed in some time to spend with Nik. Awww major hang over.

I can't believe it, the school year's coming to an end. WHOAH. Clearly, I haven't noticed how quick time flies. In a matter of months, I will become a junior already. Gosh- and yeah, I will be turning eighteen. OMG, OMG, OMG. I can't help but get excited and anxious about turning one-eight. Hmmm I dunno, my friends who turned 18 first don't seem to be all fussed out about it so I guess its not much of a biggy after all. I don't know. I have to wait seven months until I find out for myself. Brrrrr, and I'm shivering..

February. Psssh I simply hate the sound of that month. It gives me the feeling that I have gigantic butterflies in my stomach. Arrrgh! The thought of Nik leaving is just so hard to handle. I've grown so used to having him around lately and it would pain me a lot to see him go. Yes, I don't have plans of taking him to the airport on the day of his departure- its just to darn depressing to handle, not to mention his family and friends would be there too. I can't afford to get emotional having them around. Na-aah. I'd rather keep it discreet- stay home and mope around..

My mind keeps on forcing me to start with my requirements already but my body is just too lazy to obey. Haha. I feel tired from the walking I did with Nik earlier this afternoon. I accompanied my sister to the parlor (she got her hair straightened and some highlights too, whatta copy cat. HAHA). So, I took the opportunity to sneak out of the salon and eat lunch at Greenwich with Nik. Then we did some shopping(actually, just Nik) and we walked around town. I bought a book entitled, "Every girls guide to a BOY". I started reading it when I bade Nik goodbye to join my sister in the salon. It was pretty much like those self-help books I've read before but this one was different- it was something that caught my interest. As soon as I finish blogging, I'm gonna head out to my room and read some more. I still haven't finished reading Eclipse by Stephenie Mayer, I couldn't help but get all kilig about Edward and Bella's love story. Oh how mushy! But still, oh so romantic. Now I know why almost every girl simply becomes inlove with Edward Cullen and I count myself in now- officially. How I wish every guy now would be like him- so romantic, gentle, passionate, and very understanding too. Not to mention, very goodlooking. Aww but still, if I were to choose between the perfectness of Edward Cullen and the imperfectness of Nik, I would still go with Nik. After all, Edward's just a fictional character. HAHAHA Still, I would risk every imperfect moment spent with Nik than have extremely flawless moments without him. Awww and I guess I've been reading too much. Boo-hoo.

That's about it. The holidays are officially over and I'm getting back to all the neglected books and notebooks I left over the past weeks. Bye for now! :)

2009

2009-01-01T16:16:00.000+08:00

I was stuck thinking on what I was looking forward to this year. Honestly, I haven't got any clue as to what would highlight my 2009 but so far, here are some events which I look forward to...

My eighteenth birthday. A year older, a year wiser. That day would mark a great milestone in my life. I will be turning 18- more responsibilities, more expectations and more trials. I hope I'll be ready. I still got 7 months to prepare myself emotionally, physically, spiritually. Whew. I still don't have plans as to how I will be celebrating my 18th. But we'll see as the months come by.
My Mom's arrival. After a few months being away from her, finally, she will come back! I guess it really wasn't meant that she be away from us. Weeeee! Hurry home, Mommy! :)
My third year in college. Whoa. Time really does fly by so swiftly. It seems just like yesterday when I was worried about my first day as a college frosh.
Our second year. Although Nik has to leave this February. He will be back 3 months later. And in 6 months, my Beb and I will be celebrating our second year together (and when I say together, I mean physically together) Greatness! I thank God for everyday ending with Nik and for every blessing that both of us receive.
Everything else. I'm not quite sure what other events might make an impact in my 2009 but I know that I have God, my family, my friends, and Nik every step of the way. 2008 is just another memory- a memory worth treasuring, a memory worth keeping.

I thank God for another year- another year to correct our mistakes, another year to continue our good deeds, another year to grow and learn, another year to fall, to rise and to keep moving on. Let us embrace the year 2009 with open arms and see what it has in store for all of us.

Happy New Year, friends. :)

2008 year-end thank you's and a quick walk down memory lane

2008-12-26T17:06:00.002+08:00

Wow, 2008 just flew by so swiftly and now we welcome the year 2009.

Looking back, 2008 has brought me many life-changing moments. Those moments that made a great impact in my life and will all become valuable memories and lessons in the future. The year started out great although there were few bumps and turns but still, I managed.

Here's a quick walk down memory lane...

January. I got admitted due to dengue. It was most heartbreaking because I had to suffer such disease but not only did it have negative effects, it also became the reason for Nik to finally have the guts to revive our communication- and it did work out well.
February. We got back together and I swore that it would be forever (& I'm still keeping the promise). But he left for America. Saad.
March. I tried very much to adjust with the situation we were in and it still broke my heart. Classes ended and summer was to begin- a summer without him.
April. My Tito passed away. It was such a pain to have lost an important person in the family. We started having summer classes and it became very stressful for me.
May. By the end of the month, we had an exposure trip to Dapitan, Dipolog, and Dakak. It was a good way to get away from all the stress and a great way to end the summer as well!
June. First day of school as a college sophie- so much stress and new things that I had to face. My Mom left for Baguio to undergo training for her new job in Japan. It was pretty tough because we had to adjust not having Mommy around.
July. Nik and I celebrated our first year together (although physically apart). It was great to know that we reached a whole year together and we made it despite the many trials that came our way.
August. I turned 17. It was a not-so happy birthday because Nik wasn't there to celebrate with me. I barely had time to do other things because I was too busy with school work. This was also the month that my Mom left to work abroad.
September. I experienced some moments in which I wanted to give up in everything that I was doing and in my relationship with Nik. I was terribly missing him and my Mom.
October. I came to realize that everything happens for a reason and when it rains, it really pours. :)
November. We had our cap and badge. I felt very much fulfilled and proud of myself for making my family proud of me. :D This was also the month that Nik came home and I have never been more ecstatic-- and it still is going on!
December. My first Christmas without Mommy and my first Christmas with Nik. It was sad not to have spent Christmas with my Mom but I know that everything that she is doing now is for our family.

And now, the people who have made 2008 a very memorable year...

Daddy and Mommy. They have continued to become my guiding light in whatever path that I take. I thank them for being such great parents eventhough we may not always agree with certain matters but still, they remained supportive and proud of me. It makes me happy to see you guys happy and I love to see that I have made you proud as parents. I will never get tired of doing my best for you and that's what I will always do. I am indeed very blessed to have such wonderful parents like you. Thanks for being the greatest! I love you with all my life.
Ate Tanya. This year has made us grow closer together- we need to thank all the circumstances which attached us more. I learned more from you and I do hope that you also learned from me. I came to realize that we are the only ones who can help each other in times of troubles and I know that I can count on you whenever and whatever the situation. You know all my secrets and I'm glad that I can now easily open up with you. Thanks for always understanding and loving me although we may quarrel at times but its quite natural for that to happen, right? You can always count on me when you need me. I love you and thanks for being the magnificent sister that you are.
Kuya and Ate Irene. For all that you have done for me. Thank you.
Sam and Lou. For the cheerfulness your cute little smiles and giggles bring to me..
Nik. You have never failed to amaze me by your ways. Thank you for being the only person who has truly understood me(besides my family). You continue to make me a better person and I hope that I do the same to you. I give you all the gratitude for being my inspiration to stand up and do my best. I am indeed very blessed to have you in my life. I love you more everyday..
My cousins: Jov, Gheeng, Toshi. Thanks for the endless chit chat, laughtrips, and goofing around. Simply, thanks for the FUN..
Keenah, Jinky, Uchay. My classmates in whatever and wherever. You make school seem very exciting. Hahaha. Thank you for being such great people to me. And thank you for keeping up with how I live my life at school and out of school. I love you all.
Chum, Niza, Mayce. You guys are crazy- and that's what I like most about you. You guys let me be the wacky person that I am and I find comfort in being your friend. Thank you!
Adrian, Lorraine. We may not get to spend so much time together like we did before but I want you guys to know that you can run to me whenever you need someone to sit down and talk with...

Once again, I do not know what might happen in the year 2009 BUT I am very hopeful that everything may be fine. I expect torments, I expect sadness, defeat, trials and many many winding roads but there's nothing that God would allow to happen if He knows that we can't do it. So, I am being positive all the way. I want to keep that said aura throughout the year. Hmmm as for my resolutions.. I'd better start listing them down now. Haha. All I know is I want to keep a very positive outlook and keep away from the negative. And when I have God with me, everything will turn out marvelously. Trust Him and nothing's gonna go wrong. That's about it.

Have a happy new year, people! :D

happy holidays!

2008-12-22T19:34:00.002+08:00

I am starting to feel the holiday spirit already. I know its a little bit late but atleast it came to me, right? Haha. I have been busy doing some Christmas shopping with Nik these past few days. We simply just enjoy walking around town, going along and blending in with all the busy shoppers around. Everywhere we go, every department store we enter, is all filled with poeple of different walks of life rushing around and doing what they have to do. Others, simply want to stroll around and enjoy watching other people shop- like us! haha. But we also bought gifts for our friends and for each other which was really fun cause we got to choose what we wanted for Christmas. We wanted to be practical. HAHA and so I asked for a pair of Chucks, which Nik wholeheartedly gave me. Oh yea! And in return, I gave him two Giordano shirts which was his sole request. So to sum it up, we were both ecstatic to have received gifts that we wanted and that we could use. :D Now that's what I call practical.

I went out with Nik today. We had lunch together at Greenwich and we shopped for gifts to give to his family. I enjoyed strolling down town with him- not to mention his new look- the mo hawk. Haha. He looked funny but still attractive. :D He also loved my new look- straight hair with chestnut high ligths. It was the first time we saw each other again since we got our new looks, so our eyes feasted on each other for a while. HAHAHA. After the feast, we headed to do some more shopping and plainly enjoyed each other's company. I basically love being around Nik and not seeing him makes me feel uneasy. If only I could spend every single day with him, then that would be heaven for me. I am very happy to be with Nik again-after so long. But I dread the day of his departure again. I know he will be back soon but I have tasted the sweetness of him being around and I would not want to lose him ever. Life has been so blissful with him around and I don't know if I could manage him away from me. Oh oh. Enough bout that first.

So, I am enjoying the ecstacy I feel whenever I'm with Nik. Everyday with him seems like heaven. I'm glad I have him, I really am. So much for that-

Happy Holidays, everyone! :)

gloomy sunday night

2008-12-14T19:21:00.002+08:00

I am in the middle of an emotional crisis right now. Depression and desolation are taking over my entire system and I am finding it very hard to cope up with all that I am feeling right now. I need someone to confide in. Gloom just seems to take over me. I need a kind soul to pick me up. God, I need you. I need you so much right now. :c

reunited

2008-12-03T18:26:00.000+08:00

Reunited. Oh yes, and it feels like heaven. I was lucky Friday last week cause most of my teachers did not have classes with us so I was able to go to the airport with his sister and pick him up. Aww the feeling was great. I was getting nervous and chilly while waiting for his arrival, and when I saw him for the first time (again), my stomach seemed to have made a somersault and I smiled. :) I was very elated to see him and it was then when I thought, "at last- at long long last".

We headed off to have dinner at a restaurant nearby (with his family and friends). It felt awkward at first, but I managed. Lol. Of course I had to. :) The first time I held him again simply gave me shivers. Its as if the whole universe conspired to bring us together. All of our efforts seemed to have compensated. We worked hard to be together again, we have sacrificed a lot of things and everything's just wonderful now. Things could never have been better. :D It only proves that long distance relationships aren't that difficult as it may seem. Yes, you may experience little bumps and turns on the way but I assure you that when your love for each other is immeasurable, then the things you can do to make the relationship work will also be beyond what you can do. Love can move mountains. Even though we were oceans and oceans apart, our love made it seem as if we were together. I now believe that nothing can get in the way of people who truly love one another. No obstacle can be too complicated for people who have the drive to accomplish their desires. :) And when you believe that you can do it, you may come to realize that it wasn't as complex as it seemed at first. As they say, there's no harm in trying. Nothing can be too difficult as long as we aspire to achieve our goals, our desires, our aspirations. And finally, when you have attained what you have yearned for, everything makes sense. Everything falls into place and everything just works out marvelously. Take it from me- I am enjoying every single moment that I spend with Nik and everyday with him seems like an eternity in paradise and I would willingly want to repeat everyday over and over and over again.

♥♥♥

a real messy beautiful twisted sunshine

2008-11-30T21:17:00.001+08:00

ever after - bonnie bailey

Three years ago, our journey began
Chasing down this cure, no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my racing guide in the dark
Just knowing with conviction from the start

The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of being godly
Yet I fell hard for your imperfections

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like we're floating, when the rest have to climb
You made me believe in love, and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful twisted sunshine

Emotions, volcanic eruptions
We both still care, so we're still alive
Tunnel vision, determination
I want you, I want to make it right

And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

You are my twisted sunshine
You are my twisted sunshine

[2x]
And now we're slightly weathered, we're slightly worn
Our hands grip together, eye to eye through the storm, yet
I still believe in ever after with you, yeahhhhh
Cuz life is a pleasure with you by my side,
And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride
I still believe in ever after with you

reunited and it feels so good

2008-11-30T20:26:00.004+08:00

♥♥♥

check this out

2008-11-19T12:51:00.000+08:00

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. Aoccdrnig to the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are. The olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig eh? :D

check this out

2008-11-19T08:00:00.000+08:00

until the end of time, sunshine

2008-11-17T19:17:00.006+08:00

disclaimer: this post may contain all the mushiness in the world. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, LOVERS.

aww i feel elated to be posting another one of those entries filled with all the mushiness and love the world has to offer. oh yes, i can't deny it and i know that many of you are already aware- i am in love. yeah yeah, i know i have posted millions of entries about how smitten i am with nik but this post is different. hmm yea, maybe this would contain all those mushy, flowery words but i can't help it- once it got you, there's no more turning back. hahahaha :)) c'mon. just allow me to be happy. i think i have all the right to be happy in love considering all the difficulties i have been through. so, owkay, here goes: i have never loved anyone this way. i know, it may sound corny or so, but its the truth and i will continue on typing. hahaha.

hmm hmm hmmm nik has been one of those people who have accepted me despite all my flaws, my differences and my mistakes. he has learned how to live up with my way of going through life and not only that- he has played a very important and significant role in my storybook. i am the princess and he is my knight in shining armor- the person who would do anything and everything just to make his princess happy. aww and that very much describes nik.

he was the last person i wanted to fall for. yeah, i had a crush on him but i never expected us to be where we are right now. and i'm glad. he has made me very ecstatic and i never regret a single thing that happened. i want to be his everything because he is everything to me. not only is he my lover, he is also my bestfriend, my caretaker, my guardian angel. he has been there through my roller coaster ride and i would want to spend the entirety of my life with him. no joke. despite all the hatred in the world, i feel blessed to have him because i see beauty in him and in our relationship and it relaxes me to know that i have him. i feel safe in his embrace, i find comfort in his kisses, i feel secure when he holds my hand, he calms me down with his words, he cheers me up with his laughs and nothing can compare to that. he has been the greatest blessing i have received and i would treasure him all my life.

cause if your love was all i had in this life, that would be enough until the end of time.
hope you read this beb. :)

i got it

2008-11-08T20:29:00.002+08:00

I GOT IT! Oh yeah, I finally got my cap. Every hardship, every sleepless night, every drop of sweat, every prayer, everything.. They all paid off.

At first, I really did not feel the excitement and stuff but as we formed our lines to be capped and badged on stage, I was slowly feeling nervous and chilly. My hands were as cold as ice and I was trembling. HAHAHA not to mention, the gum that I was chewing that time just wanted to fall from my mouth (ooops, sorry for the grossness. LOL). I'm glad I made my parents proud. Grrr but even though they weren't able to attend the ceremony due to some circumstances, I know I made them proud and it feels satisfying. YES! I am feeling so elated. But the cap just doesn't mean that I passed all my academic subjects. The cap means more responsibilities as a student nurse, and I'm not pretty sure if I can handle all those responsibilities to come. BUT I believe that I can. Only a few more years and I'll be graduating. Graduation may seem too far away in the future but time flies by so quickly that I may not be able to notice it. Brrrr just the thought of it gives me shivers. I'll be ready. Whatever circumstances may come, I can all face them for I have God, my family, my friends, and my loved ones with me- plus I believe in my self and all my abilities. :D I know I can surpass every trial and I just did- I made it to the cap and badge. Cheers to me and my batchmates! We did it. Congratulations! :)

cap and badge

2008-11-08T10:05:00.003+08:00

nice, ain't it?
and i'mma get mine today:D
*cheeers.

2008-11-07T15:57:00.005+08:00

Reminiscing the days when we first crossed paths.
It was more than fate holding me back.
As you pass by everything comes to life.
Your fragrance in the air envelopes me boy.
I can't express the way I feel
But I know you were sent from above
Oh Dear Angel,
Look back on all that we've shared.
There' no point in wasting it now.

Baby, my feeling are so deep
I wish this goes beyond my wildest dreams.
Just as long as the rays of hope,
For our love will keep shining about.
When you're in my embrace hearts beats beat as one.
When i kiss your lips still shiver some.
I'll make all your dreams come true.
Just say you'll stay and you'll never let go.
Forever with you.

In good times we have laughed Sometimes shared our tears.
When in fear you come running to me
Taking long walks at night and in broad daylight.
All the sensation of talks I will cherish
This is what people call true love
the kind everyone wishes for.
Oh can't you see,
all that a women could want
is right before your very eyes.

Baby, my feeling are so deep
I wish this goes beyond my wildest dreams.
Just as long as the rays of hope,
For our love will keep shining about.
When you're in my enbrance hearts beats beat as one.
When i kiss your lips still shiver some.
I'll make all your dreams come true.
Just say you'll stay amd you'll never let go.
Forever with you.

Let's love the world away.
a place I know called ecstasy Boy
This is the place where we start.
Just living life in enchantment
Baby, my feeling are so deep
I wish this goes beyond my wildest dreams.
Just as long as the rays of hope,
For our love will keep shining about.
When you're in my enbrance hearts beats beat as one.
When i kiss your lips still shiver some.
I'll make all your dreams come true.
Just say you'll stay and you'll never let go.
Forever with you.

FOREVER WITH YOU Beb.

I love you so much and no one means more to me than you:)

happy 1st birthday, bloggie.

2008-11-07T11:52:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, BLOGGIE!

more years of happy, sad, and wacky blogging moments with you. :)

RESTORE ME

2008-10-30T15:00:00.001+08:00

Its cold.

Its raining.
Its gloomy.

These are the reasons why I can't help but get melodramatic, sentimental, emotional - you name it. Despite the groove of the music that is currently playing, I feel like sitting in a corner and ponder on all the thoughts which I haven't dwelled on for a while now.

I want to be free of all the hurts, pains, sorrows, anger, hatred that I knowingly or unknowingly feel. I may seem happy-- yes, I am happy and content indeed but there are just some things that get in the way of my happiness. I long to be free of all of these negative emotions, I yearn to embrace true happiness and I want to feel it without any hesitations or so. There are a million reasons for me to be happy and I feel blessed enough. I have a wonderful family, loving friends, and an incomparable match BUT I long to be healed of all my hurts. I try very hard to achieve what needs to be achieved yet I can't. I am hurting inside. I feel that I haven't completely moved on from my past--my horrible past. You may think I'm stupid for dwelling on the past for so long but its not as easy as you think it is. I was also fooled by my own self. I thought it was finished, i thought it was all done, I thought I was fine -- I thought EVERYTHING was fine but I was wrong. There are times when my mind goes blank and I am being haunted by all those cutting memories and I get weak. @@

I try to put on a mask and pretend nothing's wrong- that everything's fine. BUT how long must I put up this show? I am getting tired. I'm trying to be true to my emotions but whatever I do just leads me back there. I need someone who won't get tired of listening to me. I need an outlet for all of these. I need someone who understands...

I thought time heals. But its taking so long for me to heal and I'm growing tired. When can I say that I am truly restored of all of my hurts? That I am free of all of those cutting memories? That I have moved on and I finally achieved what I have long yearned for?

When can I say that everything that's pulling me down right now will all drift away?

Not now...But maybe someday..Soon.. I hope. @@

2008-10-24T20:11:00.002+08:00

When it rains, it pours.

God answers our prayers according to His plan and whether or not His plan agrees with ours, everything happens perfectly for He knows what's best for us. And indeed, I feel very blessed to have been granted my prayers. I couldn't do anything more but to become very much thankful for every little thing that I have in my life right now.

The first semester is over and I feel much more relieved than I was these past few days. I was so anxious about my grades to qualify for the cap and badge. And thank God for every little thing. Our cap and badge will be on the 8th of November and it delights me to know that I made it. I mean, all my hard work and effort paid off. :) Wheeeew! I feel so relieved.

Everything happens in God's perfect timing. He knows what's best for us and all we have to do is trust Him and leave everything up to Him.

Sem Break na!

2008-10-21T17:32:00.003+08:00

Yes, Sem break is here! The much awaited. HAHAHA. But I can't help but feel anxious about my exam results and my final grades :c oooh. I hope I make it for the cap and badge. (I'm keeping my fingers crossed). I really have no slightest idea as to what I will be doing for the break. And I know that this is because of my severe anxiety. Ahahaha I really feel terrible. I wanna make it and make my family proud. I hope I do.

God has plans for me. Everything that is happening to me right now is His plan and I know that He knows what's best for me. I will just continue to trust in Him and His plans for me. I surrender everything to Him. :)

*I am being oh so positive. Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.

Our 15th Month

2008-10-08T20:45:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is our 15th month as a couple. :)
We've made it through every obstacle in this relationship and it has made me proud. These past few days have been filled with too much emotions - yes, the drama. But I can see past all that because I know that remaining strong for this relationship means having to spend the entirety of my life with Nik. No joke. I'm dead serious about being with him in the future. He's everything I have ever wanted and I can say that this relationship with him has been the best and nothing can compare to the bliss that I feel because of this relationship. :) He is the reason why I wake up with a smile on my face, he is the reason why I thank God for blessing me with such wonderful gifts, he is the reason for my every second of ecstasy.

Beb, Happy 15th monthsarry! I love you. :*

WHAT MEN SHOULD KNOW..

2008-09-28T15:26:00.000+08:00

-When she walks away from you mad - [Follow her]
-When she stare's at your lips - [Kiss her]
-When she pushes you or hit's you - [Grab her and don’t let go]
-When she start's cursing at you - [Kiss her and tell her you love her]
-When she's quiet - [Ask her what’s wrong]
-When she ignore's you - [Give her your attention]
-When she pulls away - [Pull her back]
-When you see her at her worst - [Tell her she's beautiful]
-When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and don’t say a word]
-When you see her walking - [Sneak up and hug her waist from behind]
-When she's scared - [Protect her]
-When she lay's her head on your shoulder - [Tilt her head up and kiss her]
-When she steal's your favorite hat - [Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
-When she tease's you - [Tease her back and make her laugh]
-When she doesn’t answer for a long time - [reassure her that everything is okay]
-When she looks at you with doubt - [Back yourself up with the TRUTH]
-When she say's that she like's you - [she really does more than you could understand]
-When she grab's at your hands - [Hold her's and play with her fingers]
-When she bump's into you - [bump into her back and make her laugh]
-When she tells you a secret - [keep it safe and untold]
-When she looks at you in your eyes - [don’t look away until she does]
-WHEN SHE MISSES YOU - [SHES HURTING INSIDE]
-When you break her heart - [the pain NEVER really goes away]
-When she says its over - [she STILL wants you to be hers]
-When she repost this bulletin - [she wants you to read it]
- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
- DON'T let her have the last word
- NEVER call her hot! Pretty and beautiful is soo much better
- Say you love her more than she could ever love you
- Argue that she is the best girl ever
- WHen she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok don’t believe it, talk with her
- When she says she's sorry, she truly means it
- Because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you
- Tease her and let her tease you back
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
- Give her the world
- Let her wear your clothes
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
- Let her know she's important
- Kiss her in the pouring rain

Awww. :(
This is just too sweet to handle.
And its making me saaaad.

yes, i am hurting indeed.

2008-09-27T20:19:00.003+08:00

I never knew it could hurt like this. I am hurting so much and I can't fight the pain anymore. I have no one to talk to and its making me feel miserable. Things have been so complicated lately and I feel that I can't handle this much pressure.

Yes, love may seem to be the most magnificent feeling in the world. There's no doubt about that, but once you and your partner go beyond all those wonderful stuff, the road gets jagged - and believe me, its not easy. I have experienced every wonderful event I could dream of with Nik and it has made me feel to be the most blessed being in this planet. Indeed. But after every wonderful event, surely, we come to experience all the bitterness life has to offer. And yes, we did. We had to be separated physically - he had to go to America and I had to be left here. But despite the immeasurable distance separating us, we grew closer together than ever before. (Believe it or not, we surmounted the cruel torment of being far away from each other). We are still currently separated by oceans and oceans but I don't know why life has to be so ironic. I mean, the both of us should be happy cause we are days and days closer to seeing each other again but no, a day closer just brings more setbacks which test our grip and how determined we are to pursue with this relationship. If you ask me, I'd give up anything and everything just to make this relationship work. But I am becoming weak. Very weak. I try very hard to keep positive and stay firm for this relationship to work but the fact that he has to leave again is too painful to handle. I can't imagine being away from him again. There's just too much heartaches involved. My emotions are extremely scrambled and I can't think of a single move to put them back in shape. Nik may not know this, but I do value his every effort to keep this relationship running and I'd want nothing more. All I would ever need is to have him by my side. I want him to be with me and spend every single day with me. I want us to be witnesses in each other's lives. I want us to be there for each other, I want to have and to hold him. I want to feel his hands with mine, I want to hug him, I want to kiss him. I want to cry on his shoulder. I want to feel the warmth of his embrace. I want him to be with me every day of my life - and all of those are beyond reach. I may sound very desperate. Yes, I am desperate. Desperate enough to just simply quit with this relationship. You heard me right. But there's something in me that stops me from doing so. And no matter how mushy this may sound, that something is love. Yeap, that love which started out to be very magnificent. The desire to attain that kind of love again just drives me to go on - no matter how complicated. Love isn't all candies and apples, there are a lot of tough obstacle courses that we have to go through. I know. But don't you think we've had enough sufferings? It seems like each day in this relationship is an obstacle course. That's what I want to know. I think we deserve something better. We've done too much sacrificing. But I don't know. I'm not the Almighty to dictate what happens to my life. I'm just a mere human being who has to go about her life with all the kinds of torments, tortures, and pains but I believe that after every obstacle, I know there's something good in store for this human being. And I just hope that it comes soon.

Love drives me to pursue my dream. And my dream is to be with Nik. I know in time we will be together, and when I say together, I mean permanently.. I HOPE.

BLOGGIE, thanks for being here.

2008-09-25T22:22:00.003+08:00

Disclaimer: This post might contain the most dramatic thoughts and emotions. Might as well leave if you wouldn't take all the melodramatic content of this entry. Pardon me, I'm just feeling so much stressed right now and all I'm needing is a friend - someone who wouldn't ignore all my rants.

When I feel that I have no one to run to, its pretty relieving to know that I can always blog it out to release the excess pressure that I am feeling. *sigh. And when everything just doesn't seem to work out well, all I have is myself. My mind is clogged up with pretty much random yet weighty contemplations and I don't know where to begin. Every time I think about blogging or every time I start blogging, all these notions just come spurting out and I become more confused. Gosh. How much more arduous can my thoughts get? So, here goes, I'll try, as much as possible, to express my thoughts in a very organized manner (which I think is quite impossible) but its all worth a try.

I miss my Mom. My mom has been away for two months already and I think I have only talked to her on the phone twice. I'm slowly getting used to the fact that my Mom has to work abroad for us but I've lived my whole life having her around and its very challenging to adjust to a life without her. *Mommy, I terribly miss you. :((

I feel that I haven't been the BEST mate for him. It saddens me to think that I am not the best for him, but what affects me most is that I feel that I am not succeeding when I say that I am really trying very hard, with all my might, to become the best that I can be - for him. We had a little argument this afternoon and I was just so damn disoriented. There are times when I feel that maybe he deserves someone better. Someone who can soothe his feelings, someone who can give him what he needs, and someone who can be the best girlfriend for him. BUT the thought of him being with another is simply too heartbreaking to handle. During our argument this afternoon, he was, and I know, on the verge of giving up. I knew it clearly. He told me that he was tired, he told me that that was all that he could offer - and tears just came rolling down my cheeks. The mere idea that he was saying those words made me realize that I'm really not what and who he deserves. I kept on asking him if he wanted to give up. Breaking up with him is the least thing that I would want to happen right now. I need him, I love him, and I can't afford to lose him - not again. I will try and do whatever I can to become his best match and I know that all these things will pass. I just hope that I would still be holding on until that time.

I know everything that is happening right now has a reason. Even the slightest detail that's happening in my life has its own reason and God wouldn't have given me these trials if He knew that I couldn't bear all of these. So, I'll be staying strong and I know that in time, after every hardship, something magnificent will happen. :)

2008-09-16T19:58:00.002+08:00

This was something I wrote earlier for my Religious Studies 111 class. Our Prof. asked us to write about what we thought was the greatest gift for us, and this was my answer:

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31-32.

For many, love is one of the greatest gifts you can give a person. There are many kinds of love in which you can share – romantic love, love of family, and love of friends. Whatever love we may have in mind, we must not forget that absolute and true love comes hand in hand with forgiveness. Forgiveness, for me, is the greatest and most precious gift that anyone can give to a person. And when I say forgiveness, I mean being able to overlook the ill will of another. Oftentimes we experience having been hurt by someone, and talking ill against them or beating them by the head is not a way of getting over the hurt. But if we always remember to treat people the way we would want to be treated, then our actions would be adjusted. It is but normal for us to get hurt in one way or another by someone but it doesn’t mean that we have to return what we have received by way of vengeance or keeping a grudge. We will truly know that we love a person when we see past their faults, learn to forgive, forget, and move on. Yes, these may seem difficult to achieve but love keeps no record of wrongs, because when we truly love a person, no matter how much hurt they have caused us, everything just seems to drift away since love overpowers every other emotion that we feel, even anger. And when the right time comes, we learn to forgive and forget, and there we can say that the love we have for that person is indeed complete and true, because it is only when a person truly overlooks the faults of another that he can say he truly loves that person – and that is what I meant when I said that forgiveness is the greatest gift one can give to a person.

2008-09-03T20:06:00.003+08:00

RANDOMNESS STRIKES.
SOME SURVEYS FROM FRIENDSTER.
HAHAHA. FORGIVE ME, I'M JUST SO BOOORED!

[ZERO] When you think about your first kiss, what does it remind you of?
* I don't remember.
[ONE] Who are your last three texts from?
* Uchay.
[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?
* My grandma's house.
[THREE] Whats your middle name?
* Uchida.
[FOUR] Your current relationship status?
* Taken and very happy. :]
[FIVE] Does the person you love, love you back?
* Of course
[SIX] what is your current mood?
* Sleepy.
[SEVEN] Whats your moms name?
* Celia.
[EIGHT] What color shirt are you wearin?
* Brown.
[NINE] Would you kiss the last person you kissed?
* Of course.
[TEN] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
* Yea.
[ELEVEN] Have a crazy side?
* Yea. :]] *Hmm Right beb? hahaha.
[TWELVE] Ever had a near death experience?
* Yes. Just this afternoon. :[[
[THIRTEEN] What is something you do a lot?
* Chat. Surf the net.
[FOURTEEN] Angry at anyone?
* BIG TIME!
[FIFTEEN] Do you wanna see somebody right now?
* Yes. Sooooo much!
[SIXTEEN] Do you like drama?
* Kinda. Hahaha.
[SEVENTEEN] When was the last time you cried?
* Yesterday.
[EIGHTEEN] Who would you do anything for?
* Family. Nikole. :]
[NINETEEN] Who is your hero?
* Jesus. :P
[TWENTY] What is the one thing you notice about the opposite sex first?
* His porma. Especially his shoes. haha.
[TWENTY-ONE] At what time do your friends call you?
* When they need me. hahaha.
[TWENTY-TWO] Whats your biggest secret?
* I dunno.
TWENTY-FIVE] Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
* Yea. Haha.
[TWENTY-SIX] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
* None.
[TWENTY-SEVEN] Do you speak any other languages?
* Yes...
[TWENTY-EIGHT] Last time you went to the movies?
* Last February. Hahaha. (I promised someone I wouldn't go to the movies til he arrives)
[THIRTY] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
* No. But I would love to.
[THIRTY-ONE] Do you like the rain?
* Sometimes. When I get to stay home.
[THIRTY-TWO] What are you thinking about right now?
* Lots of things.
[THIRTY-THREE] What should you be doing right now?
* Sleeping. Hahaha.
[THIRTY-FOUR] What is your favorite memory?
* Hmmmm. :]
[THIRTY-FIVE] What are you listening to?
* Nothing.
[THIRTY-SIX] Who was the last person who said i love you to you?
* Nikole. :]
[THIRTY-SEVEN] Who was the last person you yelled at?
* Keenah ata or Jinky. Wahahaha. :]]
THIRTY-EIGHT] Do you act differently around the person you like?
* Not at all.
[THIRTY-NINE] What is your natural hair color?
* Black. ;]
[FORTY] Who was the last person to make you smile
* Nikole.

-------

1.) If you can turn back time, in what specific year do you want to go back to?
> I don't want to. I wanna fast forward the time, actually.
.
2.) Are there any movie/s you're looking forward to?
>Harry Potter 6. :]
.
3.) What is your dream wedding?
>Church Wedding with a garden reception. Awww

4.) To whom do you want to dedicate the song you're singing right now?
>I'm not singing. HAHAHA

5.) Have you been to Paris yet?
>I soo wish.

6.) Have you ever experienced a double date?
>Yea. Lol.

7.) What is/are your favorite subject/s in school?
>English. :))
.
8.) How about your least favorite subject/s?
>Math. Curse MATH!
.
9.) Do you care about your hair?
>Yesss.
.
10.) What is your Achilles' heel?
>Funny thing. My strengths are my own weaknesses. Ironic.

11.) Are you a transvestite?
>Nope..

12.) Are you jealous of someone?
> Nope.
.
13.) Rock, paper, or scissors?
>Roccck!
.
14.) How do you want to die?
> Natural death.

15.) One thing others do not know about you:
>Idk.
.
16.) Do you think that the person who posted this is cute?
>Sabreen? Haha. Yesss. :]]

17.) Do you know the story of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves?
>Yea.
.
18.) Do you care if someone hates you?
>To hell with them.

19.) What is your favorite book?
>HARRY POTTER. The alchemist.
.
20.) What do you think is the most attractive ethnicity?
>Those of where I came from. :]]

21.) What is your opinion about abortion?
> Don't do it if you can't fight for it.
.
22.) Are you afraid of something?
>Yes
.
23.) If so, what are you afraid of?
>Rats.
.
24.) Do you work out?
>Do I need to? HAHAHA. :)) kiddin.
.
25.) Who is your fashion icon?
>Paris Hilton. :]
.
26.) Who is/are your favorite actor/s?
>No one in particular.
.
27.) Favorite actress/es?
>Same.

28.) What is your favorite sports team?
>Not into sports.
.
29.) Are you an insomniac?
>I was. Haha.
.
30.) What is your dream job?
>To become a doctor or a business tycoon. My gossh!
.
31.) What is your best physical feature?
>My face. :DD haha

2008-09-03T09:04:00.004+08:00

Enough! I've had it! I just can't procrastinate anymore. I need to set my priorities straight and this time it's for real. No more nonsense. I need to get serious with my studies!

Yesterday, I got to compute for my own grade in Microbiology. It hurt me a lot. I couldn't believe I got such grade. I was so disappointed in myself. I don't know what I did to deserve such thing. :( I feel so bad right now. There is nothing I can do anymore but to pray. I believe in the power of prayer and it has worked for me for so long already. And I know that in this desperate moment, it will once again work for me. I know I've done everything I could for that particular subject but if I would be given the chance, I promise to make it up with my grades. I offer everything to God, I know with Him nothing is impossible, and here I am, hoping for all the best. There is nothing more I could hope for but to pass all of my subjects and make my family proud. :((

2008-08-25T11:08:00.000+08:00

It's midterms week and I only have a limited amount of time to blog and surf the net. It breaks my heart to see that this blog hasn't been updated and it seems that no one has been coming over to visit. *sob. I feel guilty for neglecting this blog but I can't help it, I am very much busy with my academics that blogging has not become much of a priority to me as it was before. Of course, those were the times when I wasn't loaded with very much school work. I feel very strained from all the studying that I have been doing. But I still can feel that I haven't much knowledge to be able to receive a high mark in my exams tomorrow and the next day. The previous exams that I took the past few days were terrible. Even though I have dwelled so much into studying, the exam questions were out of this world. They weren't what I had expected and what I had studied for. I pity myself so much. And I can not forgive myself for being so stupid. I hate it. But what's done is done and we can't do anything to change it. So I offer all of my exams to God. I know He knows what's best for me. I pray for fruitful results and I hope that I make a passing grade for my cap and badge. God help me.

My mother will be leaving tomorrow. It saddens me to know that my mom won't be here for my cap and badge but I deeply understand that she has to leave for our family. It would be very nice to have her here during my cap and badge but I know that it's for our own good. Hmmm I just pray that my mom and my aunts will have a safe trip and I hope that they will be safe at all times. I'm sure going to miss her. :((

2008-07-21T20:03:00.002+08:00

I just got home from school and I thought of surfing the net to relieve my stress. And so here I am. I happened to drop by a random blog and reflected on a particular entry which struck me.

Nik has been so far away for four months already and it has been very difficult to adjust without him. During our first months, I was so used to having him around. One call, and he would appear right then and there. But it's way too different now. He has a different life now. I have mine too. And as his girlfriend, I know he expects me to understand his situation. I do. But its also very difficult for me here. And I know I must live to his expectation.

Come to think of it, December's not that far away as it seemed to me before. I guess I just have to look on the bright side and prepare for his homecoming. And I can't wait for that to happen. It just goes to show that as we go on with our relationship, we will be experiencing more and more hardships and whether we like it or not, we have to face them.

BEB! I'll be waiting..

2008-07-09T19:54:00.002+08:00

Baby Boy
Big Brovaz

From the day that I saw you
I knew that we would pursue
Cause the chemistrywe felt that day
Felt so real, and so true
Looking back on a yearwe spent together
How it’s been, whatwe went through
Although we’ve had ourlittle ups and downs
We’ve still pulled through

Baby girl you’re my world my everything
I wanna lace you with diamonds and every ring
Give you everything youdream and fantasize
Cause you can tell methat you love me
Looking in my eyes
You keep it real with me,
I keep it real with you
You keep on loving me,
I’ll keep on loving you
Keep doing what you do,
I feel your whole aura
And I can’t wait to hook up again tomorrow baby - what

My love for you will never end
You’ll always be a part of me
As long as time keepson passing by
You’ll always be my baby boy.
Everytime I look at you,
I can’t believeI’ve found a love so true (and)
I took my time to putmy trust in you
I must admit it was so hard to do
And every minute that I spend with you
You make me believe I have nothing to lose and
Deep down I always knew that you would be mine

Do you believe in destiny
Because I got a funny feelingthis was meant to be
Without you I’d be lost,I need you next to me
Preferably in the house fullof luxuries and little kids
From day one I was sprung, knew you was gonna be one
Cause my heart spoke for thevery first time in a long while
And every time you smile,
I can see us walking up the aisle with you carrying my child
C’mon

If you were to go, I don’t know
You’re the only one who sweeps me off my feet
Makes my soul go weak
The only one who makesmy heart wanna beat and I,
I could never live without you
You know that what I feelhas to be true
Cause you’re my, my sweet love
Ever since the first time,that I looked into your eyes
I knew that you were gonna be mine
Feeling you from the inside,when you’re not by my side
You’re the only girlthat’s on my mind
I never knew a love likethis, a love so strong
A vision so picture perfectit could never be wrong
Along the way, you’re gonnasee you belong with Jay
I might have to marry you one day baby eh..

This is it! We made it! One year of a very beautiful relationship. We've been through a lot but we managed to make it and I'm very very proud. I guess I have done something very good to deserve having someone like Nikole in my life. I feel so blessed to have him and I hope he feels the same way. Everyday means another story with him and I would be very glad to have filled up all the pages of my book with him as a part of it. He's everything I hoped for and I have never been happier. :)

Beb, happy first anniversarry. Whew! We made it. I love you so much and nothing's gonna change that.

2008-06-29T16:50:00.000+08:00

"Change is the only constant thing in this world."

I don't know how true this is but so far I'm beggining to believe that every word in this sentence is true. School life has finally started and by that I mean more homework, more exams, more requirements, and more RLEs. I have finished a couple of assignments to be submitted tomorrow and I still have to study for a quiz on NCM and finalize my plan of activities and objectives for my RLE on Thursday & Friday. It's a good thing we got Friday (27 June) off. So, I got to start with my requirements for RLE all ready. It has been a week or so since school started and I still haven't adjusted with my schedule, my professors, and my new classmates. My schedule is so hectic that I have to go home late almost everyday. My professors seem nice but I think I still need more time to adjust with their ways. As for my classmates, I have been with them since the summer and I've gotten to know a number of them. They seem harmless. Haha. :)) I'm kidding. They're all nice. But still, I need more time to get to know all of them.

I've been thinking, and looking back on the day Nik left, it seems like it was just yesterday when we parted ways. March 2008 doesn't seem to be that long ago for me. Everything that happened still runs very clearly in my head. I can even picture out the scene of the fastfood where we ate, smell the scent and taste the food we had during our last lunch together. And come to think of it, December is still light years and light years away (for me, that is). Everyday, I crave for every single thing about him and it keeps on going as the days go by. Maybe if I stop counting the days, it will magically fast forward until we're together again -- and so I dream! :(

My mom's leaving on Tuesday. And whoa. I don't know how I can survive without my mom here. I have been very dependent on her and I guess I have to learn to do things by myself. I know it's for my own good. Now I have to live with this life and get used to it. On September, my sister's going to Manila to take the NCLEX. Maybe she'll be leavin for Saudi Arabia early next year. Wow. I can't believe it. All of them seem to be leaving one by one and it's making me sad. Really sad. I feel so alone and I can't help but feel that no one cares for me.

All of these changes seem to be difficult to handle but I know when I remain strong, I can overcome everything. And of course, I have God to guide me. I know He won't leave me alone. I'm expecting more changes to come to my life. So, change, welcome to my life.

2008-06-18T08:23:00.003+08:00

My first day of school began yesterday. As expected, only a few teachers came to meet us. It was good cause we only got to meet them for 15 minutes but the boredom of waiting for the next class just killed me. It went on for hours and hours...

I saw new faces walking around the campus, met up with some high school classmates, had a chat with my previous Chemistry teacher and simply hung out with my clique. While we were waiting for our next class, I couldn't help but get sentimental - not to mention, it was midday. I don't know. I felt like going emotional. HAHAHA. But seriously, I remembered how it was like the previous year. I was happy with a different set of friends and that was the time when my Beb and I knew each other. I felt so alone. I missed him so much. I wanted to see him, to hug him, to feel him, to touch him. I simply wanted to be with him badly. =c

I really feel sad cause I don't get to spend time with him. I miss him so much and its making me very very very unhappy. Really.

2008-06-16T14:50:00.000+08:00

As of tomorrow, June 17, 2008, I will officially be a college sophomore. My first year as a college student just went by so fast. It seems just like yesterday when I was getting nervous about my first day as a college freshie and now, I'm becoming all hyped up about entering college as a sophomore. Indeed, time flies by so fast.

My schedule for the first semester is very hectic (and I mean it). I only got three class days but my subjects were cramped up together. The other three days (Yea, including Saturdays) were set for my RLE. These are my official subjects: Botany 205, NCM 101, Nutrition 101, PE 103, RS 111 and Zoology 205. And yeah, with a total of 23 units. I have a very clear record for this school year and I have every opportunity to make this one the best (academically speaking). I have to avoid that very irritating 75% and I mean it. I can't afford to receive low grades anymore. I've had enough of all the scolding I get after having received my report card. I want to prove to my family that I am worth every peso their spending for my studies. I promise this time I have to set my priorities straight and that means more studying, less net surfing, less blogging, less TV, less whatever. I am very decided to keep my grades high. Ambitious? Yeah. That's how it has to be. It's just a matter of survival. HAHAHA. ((:

It's only going to be a matter of 23 days and my Beb and I will be having our first anniversarry. Seriously, this is so unbelievable. (: HAHAHA. I mean, could you just imagine all the things that we've been through? Lol. But I thank God for being with us all the way. I have never been so sure about someone ever in my life.

Bonding with Dad

2008-06-13T11:59:00.001+08:00

My dad went with me to get all my requirements for RLE. It was nice to have spent even just half a day with my Dad. I mean, since I entered college, we haven't had time to spend with each other due to our busy schedules. I felt really glad and happy to have been given the chance to spend some time with my dad. (:

I sure missed spending time with him. I could remember how we spent time together when I was a kid. While I was with my dad earlier today, I couldn't help but feel as if I was a little kid again. A kid who just simply enjoyed every single moment spent with her dad. And yeah, this time it really felt great.

I may not show how much special you are to me. I may not let you feel that I love you so much. But how thankful and grateful I am to be your daughter is beyond what words can say. I thank God for having given me such a wonderful dad.

I love you, Daddy.

updates

2008-06-12T11:18:00.004+08:00

OMG! It has been so long since I last updated. Hmmm. Not much has happened to me since my last post. Classes will be on the 16th. Phew. A week to go and I'm back to school. Now as a sophie. HAHA. How cool. Time flies by sooo fast. And I'm glad cause I can't wait 'til my Beb comes back (: Weeee. Hmm speaking of my Beb, we just celebrated our 11th month and I can't help but smile cause it's really great to know that we only have a month more to go and it would be our 1st year anniversarry. (:

Here are some photos of my exposure trip to Dapitan, Dipolog and Dakak:

the sand says it all (:

at Gloria de Dapitan

Hist 100 N

For more pics. Check my multiply. http://iryngracie.multiply.com

2008-06-05T15:00:00.000+08:00

an epitome of love. my ecstasy.

updates

2008-05-23T13:50:00.001+08:00

I haven't updated for a while due to time constraint. I have been very busy with summer classes. But thank heavens, classes are all ready done. I'll be having an exposure trip in Dapitan for my History 100 class. We'll be leaving tomorrow at 4AM. Waaa I'm kinda excited cause I would have some time off and take advantage of the time left for summer. Weee. Its only going to be a matter of weeks and I'll be back to school all ready. Pfft. As much as possible, I would want to make the most out of this 3-day trip.

I'm terribly missing my Beb. I don't know. It's been so difficult without him. =c But I'm glad that we managed 10 months of a wonderful relationship. Only a few months left and we'll be celebrating a year together. (: Come to think of it, time does really fly so fast. It seems just like yesterday when I first met him. *blushes HAHAHA! Enough reminiscing. I'll be posting more about the trip later on.

Just something.

2008-05-08T15:57:00.000+08:00

I was not doing anything last night so I decided to gather some of the nicest words I, Nik, and other people said. Hehe. I mean, it made me feel happy reading all these. Here goes:

09 Oct 2007
"he means more to me with every passing day adn this third month with him shows me that i wasn't wrong about allowing myself to get to know him more." -Iryn

08 Feb 2008
"Nah. If you like this to end pwede yung day na lang ng pag alis ko?"

09 Feb 2008
"Opo! Love na love! Not ko na sayangin tong chance na binigay mo." -Nik

10 Feb 2008
"Kahit ako! Kaya pala napansin ko na lonely ako nung not pa tayo. No lie. I'm happier with you." -Nik

11 Feb 2008
"Mas in love! Mas masarap pala if second time." -Nik

17 Feb 2008
"Text agad ha? Don't make me miss you too mych. Baka hindi na ako maka-wait ng after. I love you." -Nik

25 Feb 2008
"Wala na yun. Pinagsisihan ko talaga. Hindi pa ba halata?" -Nik

28 Feb 2008
"Thanks. Sa pag love mo ulit sakin." -Nik

28 Feb 2008
"Kung may power lang ako to decide diba? Bakit naman kita iiwan? Ngayon pa na tama na sa atin ang lahat diba?" -Nik

"Buti pa kayo, kahit malayo, ok pa rin..."-Aika

"Pinapasabi ni Nik, 'If you see her, tell her I miss her so much.'" -Jinky

--

Beb, thanks for everything. Thanks for sticking around through thick and thin. I love you.

our ninth month

2008-04-09T09:05:00.001+08:00

today is our ninth month together. its really amazing how we managed getting through with this relationship. and i'm glad everything is working out well. (:

nik was every little thing i ever wanted. from the day that i saw him, i never thought about anyone else but him. haha. it may sound cheesy but its true. he turned my world upside down. i couldn't stop thinking about him. it was then i realized that i was in love. i was in love with a stranger. yes, he was just a stranger but he made my head spin round and round, he made my heart leap every time i saw him, he gave me butterflies every time he passed by. he was all over me and i was all over him. my world stopped turning when we became friends. i was really ecstatic. we got to know each other better and i fell more for him everyday. i really wanted to be with him. he meant everything to me. time flew by so fast and we became a couple. i was the happiest girl on earth. we were inseparable. everyday was an adventure with him. (:

and today is our ninth month. i really can't believe it. we've been through a lot of things. and i mean a lot. our relationship was full of twists and turns but we managed to pull through. nik knows me more than anyone else. he's the only one who can make me sad, mad, laugh all at the same time. he means more to me with every passing day and i guess spending nine months with him is enough for me to say that he's worth every risk i took and there isn't a chance for me to regret anything i did.

i love you beyond reason why.

I passed the NAT!(: I went to school yesterday and everything went great(: I'm just so glad to know that God has once again answered my prayers.

so bummed out.

2008-04-03T15:04:00.001+08:00

it's been a while. i missed blogging so much. i have been very busy with school work, i barely had time to do anything. lemme see? where do i start? uhm, so i'm officially on a one-week vacation and it's really not what i had in mind. i was imagining the beach, the sun, sand castles, fruit shakes and all those summer stuff. but no. i'm here, at home. sitting in front of the computer and blogging about how frustrated i am and how bummed i feel right now. *sigh

getting back with nik was heaven. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. all my prayers have been answered. i was simply in love with the fact that he was mine and i was his again. he's now in america. it has been very tough without him. i don't know how i managed everyday without seeing him. sometimes, i stop and think about what went into my mind and made me say "yes" to him again. i guess, it was love.

and today is again another one of those days when i feel that i made the biggest mistake of getting back with him. so here i am, blogging. cause like i said, blogging is my way to ease whatever it is that i feel. here goes. ever since i got back with nik, i had become the happiest girl alive. i was on the roll again. i was very much in love with him. but there are times when i get haunted by thoughts from the past. i mean, images come flashing into my mind and it makes me feel really bad. images of how we broke up, his other girl and all those shit. i don't know. i guess i'm still not over all of those shit. but i don't want those to come in between nik and me. i don't want those to ruin our relationship. but i can't help it. whenever i am alone or whenever i think, it all comes into my mind and i am once again bothered by everything. my mood changes, everything about me changes. even how i act towards nik. it just scares me that one day all of those things might happen again. and that's the last thing that i would ever want to happen. it has caused me so much damage. and i mean it. i want everything between me and nik to be okay. i feel that i haven't been a good girlfriend to him. i feel that i have a lot of shortcomings. and it makes me sad. i want to be the best for him. i want him to feel how much i value him. i want him to know how much i love him and how much he means to me. but i don't know. i'm scared. i really am. =c but i've rolled my dice, i chose to be with him and i have to do everything to make it work. i know everything will work out. I TRUST HIM.

2008-04-03T11:39:00.001+08:00

I feel so weak right now. I'm a nervous wreck. My final grades will be out anytime this week and I haven't got the slightest idea what to expect. I'm really really scared. The NAT results will be out Tuesday, next week.

I haven't got anything more to do but to pray. Pray that everything goes out well. I have given my best shot for the finals and I hope it will pay off. I hope everyhting works out well, that's all I ask for now. Please.

My parents are expecting a lot from me and I don't want to disappoint them. I want to show them that they can be proud of me.
I offer everything to God. I lift it all to Him. I trust Him and I know he wont fail me.

Stressed Out

2008-03-16T02:39:00.001+08:00

The past two weeks have been so stressful for me. A lot of requirements had to be submitted, we had to practice our dance for our P.E. night, and we had to study for so much exams. I even had to sleep at my classmate's house twice just to finish our English research paper. To sum it all up, the past two weeks have been hell for me.

Our classes will only be until the 18th of March and when we come back after the Holy Week, it will all ready be our finals. I'm really stressed out about all these cause I feel that I haven't done enough to receive quite good grades. =( I'm just offerring everything to God.

I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to relax this Holy Week cause I have to study for my finals. I have to. And I have to do good. I need to make up with all the low grades I got for the midterms. Oh. I just hope I can. I'm feeling really pressured right now. Waaa.

2008-03-06T02:35:00.001+08:00

I'm trying really hard. I'm trying to adjust as much as I can but it seems that I still can't get a grip on how things are working right now. I've grown so used to having him around and in just a snap, he's not. Argh! Sometimes I stop and wonder why I even took the risk of getting back with him when in fact I was fully aware that he was gonna leave. Waa. This may sound cheesy, but love was the answer. Really. (=

I wake up at dawn just to chat with him. Its really not much of a biggy to me cause I've been so used to sleeping during the wee hours in the morning. Its when I feel one with the computer. Haha. Honestly, having this kind of relationship is difficult. I couldn't imagine how I managed days without his prescence. Everytime I think about our situation, I just couldn't help but cry. I just wanna burst out. I even get envious when I see couples everywhere. It saddens me. But the mere fact that I'm aware he's somewhere there loving me, is an assurance that I need not get jealous of lovers. And of course, he can get the assurance that I'm still so madly in love with him despite our distance. Now its proven. Distance isn't a hindrance for someone to keep on loving a person. (=

YOU: I'm sorry if I've been very moody lately. Its just that I'm really stressed out about our situation and I always keep on thinking about how we're going to keep everything going. I'm sorry if I haven't showed you the slightest hint of affection. Things have been bothering me and I've been so busy with school. I'm still glad that despite my attitude towards you, you never fail to show me how much you love me. I know that its really stressful for the both of us. So, from now on, I promise that I won't add to your stress. Haha. Let's work this out together, ok? I love you.

20 things I miss about him

2008-03-02T10:22:00.002+08:00

1. I miss the way he holds me.
2. I miss the way he says "I love you".
3. I miss the way he holds my hand.
4. I miss the way he hugs me.
5. I miss the way he kisses me.
6. I miss the way he annoys me.
7. I miss the way he forces me to hug and kiss him.
8. I miss the way he talks.
9. I miss the way he cracks up jokes.
10. I miss they way he laughs.
11. I miss the way he looks when he wants something from me.
12. I miss the way he looks into my eyes.
13. I miss the way he smiles.
14. I miss the way he sings.
15. I miss the way he cuddles.
16. I miss the way he says "sorry" after he did something wrong.
17. I miss the way he looks after he goes around school looking for me.
18. I miss the way he teases me when he waits outside my classroom.
19. I miss the way he gives me butterflies in my stomach.
20. I miss the every little thing about him.

2008-02-29T09:49:00.001+08:00

i'm missing you so much. =c

We're back together, this time its forever. (=

2008-02-17T11:10:00.000+08:00

Losing him was one of the things I would never want to happen again. It was so tough not having him around. I thank God for bringing him back to me. One thing's for sure, I've never been happier.

I'm really positive that this relationship will last through the test of time. Da, we can do this. Let's prove that getting back together is the BEST decision that we made. I keep on loving you more everyday. Slowly, I'm beginning trust you again. I just hope that you won't let me down. I love you. (=

2008-02-11T21:36:00.000+08:00

He's that one person whom I just can't get enough of. He always excites and thrills me. Whenever he makes me feel loved and shows me his affection, I just couldn't do anything to turn away. But this person has hurt me. He has made me feel foolish and stupid. I hated him. Still, I waited. I wanted everything to be the way it was before. God knows how much I prayed that everything would work out between us. Then I realized that I was already getting tired. I did not hope for anything anymore. I simply wanted to move on.

Its true when they say that you should expect the unexpected. Indeed. I wasn't expecting anything when we started communicating again. We talked. We tried to figure things out together. We told each other how we felt after the break up. I was happy to become in touch with him again and the thought that we were friends, made me feel even better. But there was one thing that I also didn't expect to happen - I was getting weak. The moment he told me that he was sorry for everything and that he still loves me just made my knees go weak. I tried to stop myself. "I mustn't fall for this again. I mustn't." It went on for days. It was beginning to bother me so much. I could not concentrate in school. My mind was somewhere else - it was with him. I slowly became weaker and weaker. I soon came to realize that anger had topped what I truly felt for him. I was still so much in love with him.

Now, everything that I have felt for him before has come back. I'm glad we talked things out. I'm glad we were able to make things clear. I know he has hurt me but the love that I feel for him has pushed me to take the risk of loving him once again. I felt the sincerity in every word he was saying. I know I will be risking so much but I don't care. I love him, he loves me and nothing else matters. I don't care what other people may say, let them talk all they want. But I'm still so bothered of how I'm going to explain everything to my friends. They have been so mad at him for doing such thing to me but I want to prove to them that he's really worth every risk that I'm taking now. I hope they would understand me and still be there for me when I need them. Please. I know that this will lead to something better. I want us to forget about the past, and together, we can start a new story and this time, its gonna be forever. I know I won't be regretting anything. But the sad part is - he'll be leaving for America. I know its going to be more difficult but I really want us to go on. We both have to make a lot of sacrifices. We need to trust each other even more. I want our fire to keep on burning even though we would be miles apart. I want us to be one of those couples who have survived being away from each other but still kept the love alive. This experience will make the both of us grow stronger. This will teach us how to become mature. All we need is TRUST, COMMUNICATION and LOVE - and I know that we can make it. (= Of course, we have God with us. I know He'll be there to accompany the both of us in this new journey that we will be taking. =D

2008-02-06T01:38:00.000+08:00

I took the NAT yesterday and honestly, I haven't got the slightest idea what to expect. All I know is that I need to pass and I want to pass. I'm leaving it all up to God.

I got my midterm grades to some of my subjects and I'm so disappointed in myself. How could I have allowed such thing to happen? I don't think I could forgive myself.

My mind was terribly lost during the second semester. It was all out of its system. The break up was the only thing on my mind. I was just too damn depressed and I hated that feeling. I felt so alone. It lead me to neglect my school work. I wasn't myself. I wasn't concentrating at all. I didn't care. My mind was too damn busy thinking about the break up that it forgot I had much more important priorities to attend to! I couldn't imagine how a break up could cause such a mess.

I feel so stupid right now. T.T

so blank

2008-02-04T06:59:00.000+08:00

I'm wishing, hoping, praying that someday, somehow everything that is weighing me down will all go away. Really. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

For all of you with someone special, cherish that person, cherish every single moment that you spend together, for anything can happen anytime. One day, you may regret only to realize that it is too late.

We will be having our Nursing Aptitude Test tomorrow and I'm getting really nervous about it. Once again, I offer everything to God. Wish me luck. =D

2008-01-23T07:08:00.000+08:00

The midterm exams are finally over! Thank goodness. (= Whatta relief. Uhm, yeah sure. I know in a matter of days, I'll be anxious all over again. Just for one reason: the results. Gaaah! To God I offer everything.

I'll still be going to school today to take a quiz I missed when I was at the hospital. Oh. Then in the afternoon, we'll be having a meeting about something.

I durnt know

2008-01-21T01:56:00.000+08:00

"In life, there is such a thing as I still love you, but I don't want you anymore."

For those who didn't know, I was amitted at the hospital due to dengue last January 7-11. It was one of the experiences that I don't want to happen ever again. I was really sick. I was even supposed to undergo platelet transfussion, but thank God, I didn't and I got well. (= Cheers.

Uhm, as for my heart life, its currently on hiatus. (= My ex and I have had communication for the past days and it was nice to hear from him. We talked about stuff and tried to clear things up. He was explaining things but I don't know why I did not believe a word he was saying. Pft. Yes, a part of me wanted to go weak and give in but another part of me told me to stay strong - and I did. (= I'm not closing my doors but the mere idea of getting back with him is quite impossible (i guess). I don't know. Really. I'm quite confused right now. My head is going crazy. I have no idea as to how I'm feeling right now. Waaaaaaa. Haha. Not to mention our midterms is still currently going on. Sigh. I'm still too busy studying for the midterms, so I think I'll deal with this after. So anyway, I realized that we really need to talk because we did not have a proper break up. So, I'm hoping that we get the opportunity to talk (personally) and just get some closure. That's it. Then we can be friends (=

New Year

2008-01-02T11:44:00.000+08:00

I view life as a board game. We roll the dice and face different consequences the game has to offer. Either we lose a turn, move two steps forward, receive a reward or go back to start. Whatever consequences we have to face, we have to deal with it.

In my game, I have experienced every consequence there is and I'm proud to say that I learned from all of them. There are times when I felt like quitting but there is something in me that forced me to go on and continue with the game. Also, there were a number of times when I felt like I was already reaching the end and winning. But still, there were times when I would miss a turn or worse, go back to start. Those consequences were very difficult to recover from because at one point in the game, I have already tasted the beauty of winning. It took me a very hard time to start from scratch all over again. But somehow, I managed.

Life, like a game, is unpredictable. It doesn't always happen the way we want it to. We just have to wait and see what there is in store for us. There will always be that time when we won't feel like playing the game anymore but we have to go on because there are more things to happen. We must not easily give up because in the end, when we finish with our game and win, we will feel fulfilled and contented of how things worked out.

As young as I am, I can already slowly understand what life is about. My experiences have helped me to look at life in different aspects: the good and the not-so good. No matter what aspect we live in, we just have to go on. (:

This year, I want to grow more. I want to become mature and learn more from my experiences and understand more what life has to offer me. My past will always be a part of me because it will help me to prepare for the future. The past should bot be forgotten completely, instead it should be kept inside our hearts.

Despite the many obstacles in our so-called board game, we can overcome all of them. It just takes time. If ever we lose a turn or go back to start, we have to learn how to become patient. It pays to do so.

Whatever we may encounter in life, we must not forget God. Whenever we feel down or whenever we just feel like talking to Him, we know that He's always there; ready to listen to us. We should thank Him for whatever it is that we have in our lives.

Life is great if we know how to live it. Every person has his/her own way of strategizing and coming up with ways on how to play the game. The key is to never ever ever give up. (:

Have a blessed new year everyone! (:

2007-12-27T10:44:00.000+08:00

This is when a girl finally decides to let go.

After weeks of thinking things over and bearing whatever it is that I feel inside, I have finally chosen to let go. I know its easier said than done but I would do anything just to move on and let go of everything about him. I'm tired of thinking about him, reminiscing and imagining how my life would be if we were still together, while he's there somewhere else, happy with his life and his girl. That's just plain bullshit. Its really unfair when I come to think of it.

I have come to terms and I guess I'll always be mad at him for doing such thing to me. The anger that I feel might go away, but only time will tell. Everything I said in my previous post (the 2007 year-end thank you list) wasn't even half of what I wanted to tell him but I guess there are things in life that are better left unsaid. (for me, that is).

Today is the day when I'm finally letting go of him. I'm just so damn tired of bearing all of these inside me. I want to get on and live life the way I used to. I wanna be the old, care free Iryn that I was even before I met him. I guess certain people just get the best of you and he did. Gaah!

The new year is fast approaching and I want that to be a resolution. (: I want to be able to leave everything behind as the year 2008 approaches. (:My fingers are crossed.

To you: If it wasn't real for you at least it was for me.

2007 year-end thank you's (:

2007-12-26T15:14:00.000+08:00

The year 2007 has been the BEST. Everything was great. I experienced a lot of new things, met different people, fell in love, fell out of love, laughed, cried and just lived my life. This year was one hella of a year. If there was one year that I would go back to, it would really be the year 2007 because it was when I experienced the best of life and also the worst of life and eventually learned from all of it.

God - You are the reason for everything. You are my refuge, my stronghold and my instant picker-upper when everybody seems to be so busy with their lives. Thank You for always listening to me and all of my prayers. I love You so much.

Mom and Dad - Though I may not say it but I truly love you guys from the bottom of my heart. I want to deeply thank you for molding me into the person that I am today. Mua! (:

Kuya - You are my second dad. Hahaha. (: I love you. Yeah, I know, I may not show it but I do. Thanks for everything. (:

Ate Tanya - You are my partner in everything that I do. Thanks for not going crazy and scolding me when you knew that I had a boyfriend. Haha. Well, it shows that you now accept that your little sister is growing up. Haha. Sorry for being a bitch sometimes. Haha. I love ya!

Ate Irene - Waaa! Thanks for being a great sister to me. (: I guess I'm so lucky to have two wonderful sisters. I love ya!

Baby Samantha - Thanks for making me laugh with your smiles and cute giggles. Whenever I'm down, I just remember you and all my troubles seem to float away. I love you li'l girl. (:

Colombiere - You guys are the craziest bunch that I have ever met. Thanks for all the years that we have spent together. I love it when we still get to hang out even for a while. Thank you for comforting me after the break up. It was really appreciated. I love you so much! You made me who I am now. Thanks for completing my high school life and making it the most wonderful experience ever. (:

* Jay-R Patarasa - Hoi. Haha. I really appreciate everything you did to make our class the best that we could be. And personally, thanks for teaching me how to become strong. Ehem. You may not be aware, but you did and I'm glad.

* Nasef Ascaño - Thanks for listening to me and thanks for giving me those pieces of advice. They do help. (:

* Bea Almonte - A certain somebody drew us closer and I'm glad. Thanks for listening to my rants. I really appreaciate your pieces of advice. (:

* Kim Esperat - Bespren! Haha. Thanks for the friendship since second year high school and for listening to me. Ehem. Thank you as well for the serious talks that we had and also for the not-so serious talks. Thanks for making me laugh. Hahaha. I really miss those times.

Chum Aquino - Ge! Thanks for the friendship. (: It has been what? Three years since we became best friends and I have never been happier. (: You were the best friend I was looking for ever since. Thank you for telling on me whenever I make crazy decisions, thanks for accepting the real me. I really miss those times when we would bond (just the two of us) and imagine crazy things. We may have different set of friends now, but I promise you that you will be my best friend forever, okya? I love you ge. Muah! (:

POPXIES (Aika Candado, Len Tierra, Marz Bandaying, Tamy Revillas, Ciena Ismael, Chum Aquino) - HAHAHA! I know this doesn't exist anymore - but it will exist in my heart forever. I have had the greatest experiences with you girls. Everyday with you was an adventure that I wouldn't want to miss. I don't know why we grew apart but I'm thankful that you girls completed me and became a part of my life. (: I love you. Let us remain friends. It doesn't matter if we don't have a group name or that we don't consider ourselves a group anymore, all that matters to me is that we keep the bond forever. New year na, let's all be friends.

Aika Candado - Ge, you have made my college life a blast. (: Thank you! If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be this happy right now. I know we despised each other at first but getting to know you and becoming your friend was the greatest adventure. I'm glad we had the opportunity to become closer and get to know each other better. Ge, thanks for making me happy. Thanks for cheering me up when I was at the lowest point in my life. You were there for me when the others weren't and I'm thankful for that. You know that you can count on me when you need me. I'll always be thankful for you. More years of great friendship, okay? I love ya ge. (:

BSN 1-F (Fluhoo) - Waaa! You guys made my college life very easy. Haha. I mean, you made it easier for me to adjust. Thanks for all the laughters and the times when we would tease each other. Haha. Everyday is a new story whenever I'm with you. I get very excited to go to school everyday just because I know that I would be spending another day with you. Sorry to those whom I have hurt. Waa. I love you guys so much.

* Adrian Uro - Ehem. Special mention. Haha. Hoi, thanks for being such a great friend to me. Ehem. Commitment. Haha. I really appreciate every little thing you do. Haha. Sabe ya ka kosa yo tan mean. Hehe. Akel the break up thing. Haha. Now I know that you are a true friend indeed. I hope we remain to be good friends. (:

* Klina Reyes and Chris Misanes (Chemlab 101 group mates) - I really enjoyed being your group mate. You made Chemistry Lab 101 really fun for me. Thanks!

* Mark Koa - Hui ge, I really enjoy your company. Thanks for making me feel all right when I'm down.

* Jinky Ngo - Hoi Shobe, hehe. Thanks for being a great friend. I'm glad to know that I can run to you when no one seems to be there. (:

* Angel Barjose - Gel, you may not know it but I really appreciated your effort when you comforted me (ateneo fiesta, remember? hehe.) and the times when you would text me and check if I'm doing okay. Just as you have done for me, you can surely count on me when you need a friend. Swear. (:

* Bong Marcos - Bong, thanks na libre. Haha. But seriously, thanks for making sure I was okay. Hehe. You know what I mean. Your concern makes me feel really special. Thanks. (:

Churvz (Aika Candado, Niza Sindiong, Lorraine Jasani) - Mga churvahs! Hehe. I'm glad I was able to find people whom I could run to when I feel so down. I really feel my best when I'm with you girls. You make it easier for me to express what I truly feel. Thanks for all the jokes and all the fun stuff that we did. Hope that we will remain to be great friends. Thanks for cheering me up and making me realize that a breakup doesn't mean the end of the world. I love you girls. (:

English 111 X classmates - To all of you, thanks for the fun that we had. Even for a short span of time. I'm glad I met people like you. You were all great and not to mention, really smart. (: Haha.

* Nushi - Thanks for inspiring me to also make a "year-end thank you list" myself. Haha. I'm glad to have met someone like you. (:

* Joan - It was great to have met someone like you.

Ne-Yo - Haha. Here goes, it is only now that I had the courage to say "thank you" to you. Haha. I'm glad we met. I'm glad we became friends and I want us to remain friends. Haha. Basta, I'm sorry if a certain somebody threatened you or whatever. Yeesh. I totally regret that. Let's be friends, okay? haha. Thanks for making me happy. Hehehe.

Nikole - Hmm I don't know how to start. Really. I'm mad at you. Angry. grrr. Whatever. But I just want to thank you for making me feel how happy it was to love and be loved in return. I truly appreciate everything that you did for me. I guess I hadn't given you everything & that's why you chose to turn away. Sorry. I blamed you at first but I came to realize that its really nobody's fault. That's just how it has to work out. I guess you just love her more than me and I can't blame you for that. You've known each other longer than we did. I'm sorry for the times that I hurt you. I guess the breakup has made me a stronger person. (The fact that I'm posting this on the net is something, I guess) Everything just happened so fast but now, I'm quite proud to say that I'm taking things a step at a time and I'll just have to see where it takes me. I'm really sincere when I say that I really thank you for everything that happened between us. Four months with you was the greatest but even the best things have to end, right?

That's about it. Gaah. I couldn't help but get emotional as I was typing this. Pft.

I don't know what 2008 has in store for me but I'll just be hoping that it will become another great year. (: I don't expect everythng to be like candies and apples, I know there will be troubles and struggles ahead, but I know I will be able to overcome whatever that is. To those whom I wasn't able to mention, sorry but thank you so much fro crossing my path. I'm glad to have met great people like you. (:

A happy new year to everyone! (:

Panandaliang Aliwan

2007-12-21T14:21:00.000+08:00

I want to turn back time and made sure that I made the right decision of choosing the guy for me.

Really. There are times when I just wish that I chose *him (my all-time crush) instead of my ex. But everything's said and done and there's no turning back. I made my choice and I have to live with it.

Moving on is tough. I don't know how I managed two weeks of seeing him around school. For some, whenever they see their exes, they get weak and fall again. But I'm proud to say that whenever I see my ex, I just get all furious and imagine myself strangling him to death. Haha. How morbid. But of course, there were times when I couldn't help but reminisce how happy I was with him and then in a second, all those memories of how he lied to me come poisoning my mind and I end up imagining myself just strangling him again. lol. I guess rage has control over my emotions right now. Haha. Whenever I see him with his new girl, I get a little sad then I just think that he isn't worth it and that there are more guys out there who would love me and take me seriously.

What disappoints me most is that he was the least person whom I thought could do that to me. I guess we always have to expect the unexpected. He's just not for me. Too bad. HE WAS GREAT FOR A WHILE. Haha. I couldn't help but laugh whenever I read the title for this post. It just means a lot. lol. Isa lamang siyang panandaliang aliwan. Funny. As 2007 ends, I want to throw and bury all those memories I had with him and move on with my new life. NEW YEAR, NEW LIFE. (: *wishful. . .

This is what I truly feel

2007-12-09T16:47:00.000+08:00

As I am writing this, memories come flashing into my mind. I can't help but reminisce the times we have spent together.

It seems just like yesterday when I was at the peak of my life. There was no stopping me. I was the happiest person alive. I never thought it had to end up like this.

It all came crashing down on me. Everything seemed to happen so fast. Its as if an alarm broke too soon and I was awaken from my sleep. I was totally devastated. It has been days (without any communication) but I still cannot seem to get a grip on things. I feel so lost. I wish this was all a dream and someone would come and wake me up soon. I'm wrong. This is reality and this is what it has to offer me.

I have always thought of him as the guy I've been looking for. Oftentimes, I would tell my friends that he was worth the wait. But I guess I made a huge mistake: we weren't meant to be. But that doesn't mean that I totally regret him entering my life. In fact, I'm thankful he came. Why? Maybe because he has changed the way I see things. He has made me feel how wonderful it was to love and to be loved in return. Iam very decided to move on and let go. That's the best thing to do. I know its going to take me a while, it may be hard but I'll be okay. As for now, I am not in the perfect mood to entertain anyone. I feel its not the right time.

All it takes is time. Time will heal this wound and eventually I'll be able to live life the way I used to. I know God has a reason for all of these. Maybe its just His way of making me realize that He saved me from the wrong one. Someday, someone will come into my life and show me why it never worked out with anyone else. For now, I have to live life a day at a time and see where it takes me. This experience has made me learn from my mistakes. I just have to be careful next time so as I won't commit the same mistakes again.

I gotta live life and stop wallowing from the past. It has already happened and can never be changed. I just have to be prepared because life can offer us many many many surprises ahead. (:

2007-12-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

Since the day I announced my break up to my friends, everybody has been consoling me and lending me their shoulders. The only problem is, I did not have any tears to shed. lol. Honestly, since the break up, I haven't shed a single tear. Haha. Its quite funny cause I was expecting to cry a lot. I even got two rolls of toilet paper with me that time. Yrrr.

I can't say that I'm totally hurt about what happened. Maybe a little bit but I'm pretty sure when I say that I'm deeply disappointed about it. I always thought that he was the "one" for me. Really. We had plans for our future and stuff like that but well, things don't always work out the way we want them to. One cause for my disappointment would be that I had expected so much. During our relationship, he showed me how great he was which lead me to expect so much from him and our relationship. Even my friends thought he was the "one" as well. I guess at some point in our relationship, he fell in love with his best friend (which is totally wrong, and my anger is rising) and maybe he thought it was best that he chose her instead of me. Fine. That only means one thing: He ain't the "one" for me. Its gonna be tough to adjust with the single life when I've gotten so used to having someone with me. All it takes is time. (: I'll be just fine.

So, I'll be letting my heart rest for now. I'm gonna enjoy the single life and keep my fingers crossed that someday my prince will come. (: Too fairytale-ish. Haha. ((: But still, I'll be waiting.

God has become my refuge and my strength during my time of disappointment. He has made me feel comfortable and secure. With Him, I know everything will turn out great.

Thanks to this incident, I have found oout who my real friends are. Haha. . I need not mention your names guys. You now who you are. Thanks for making me feel loved. Haha. Kilig.

So uncreative for a title

2007-11-24T19:07:00.000+08:00

The pressure of the second semester is killing me. I barely have time for fun. Lol. Just kidding. Of course there's always time for fun. I can always squeeze in minutes of laughter and nonsense (even during class hours or while studying).

The annual Ateneo fiesta is fast approaching. (: I really don't feel excited about it. I don't know why. It just doesn't have much impact to me now as it had before. Well, things do change. They really do.

My academics is going crazy: I have to submit a mountain of requirements next week. Waaaa! I barely have adjusted to the second semester and I think its pretty much going to end soon. Lols. Really. There are a lot of holidays and breaks coming up. Those would really shorten the span of the second sem. and we still have so much to take up in class. I don't know. I hope I can cope up with all the pressure. Pft. In the mean time, I just have to wait for a few more days til the fiesta. (: No classes for one week. Now, that's a relief. I guess we all need some time off from our busy school life.

Despite my busy school life, its a good thing I have some GREAT people to have fun with. (:

Thought: Those people whom you consider keeping a friendship for life can turn teir backs at you in a second.

Pity. It has just happened to me. I don't know. At first I was so down about it. But when I took some time to think things over, I became stronger and realized that I could still live my life without being affected about it. After all, I've got more true friends who would stick with me til the end. (: Bottom line, its not my loss.

The pressure is on me

2007-11-19T15:45:00.000+08:00

Hey there! I have been so busy with school lately and I haven't got the slightest time to post anything here. Its a good thing I was able to squish in a little moment to blog. (:

I'm currently in the computer lab with Jinky and Lorraine. We have to accomplish our laboratory report for Zoology lab 111. Argh! Its due tomorrow and we haven't even started doing anything yet. Gaah! There's just so much to be done. Pft. Honestly, I do not know how to keep up with my self anymore. \We have a case study to submit, research to be done and a whole lot more to be submitted this week. All that occupies my mind right now is my academics and I have never been this pressured ever. I just hope that I can still have some time for myself despite my very busy life. Haha!

The Ateneo fiesta is fast approaching. Yay! (: A whole week of fun and no classes! I will be updating more soon, for now, I really have to finish my lab report. ):

Plans

2007-11-13T17:25:00.000+08:00

"The plans of the mind belong to mortals, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord." -Proverbs 16:1

Indeed. When God wants something to happen, it will happen. No matter how badly we want something to work out, when God disagrees, we can't do anything. Oftentimes, we have a lot of plans for ourselves and when those plans don't happen the way we want them to, we get disappointed. I'm guilty. But just lately, I have realized that we think our plans may be right for us but God knows what's best for us. We pray a lot and ask for them to come true but when He delays, it doesn't mean that He has forgotten us. For sure, there is something great in store for us. (: Believe me.

Our first day of classes for the second semester started yesterday. Pft. I can't believe that I have to wake up so early in the morning everyday! My schedule seems to be so hectic now. Arrgh! It has only been two days of classes and I feel sooo tired and drained already. We will be having quizzes on chemistry and zoology tomorrow so I have to do some studying tonight. Grr.

Our school will be celebrating the so-called "nursing days" starting tomorrow. We can come to school in civilian. (: Yay! On Friday, we will have no classes the whole day and have our nursing night too. (: Double yay! Haha!

Since my schedule is so damn hectic, that means that I won't be able to post that much. Grr. But I'll try to still update as much as I can. (: After all, blogging is my escape. (:

Reminiscence

2007-11-08T11:12:00.000+08:00

Something becomes a memory once you realize that it is over.

Our internet connection was down a while ago so I wasn't able to surf. I took the opportunity to clean my room. (: While I was rambling through my closet, I found a shoe box hidden beneath my old pair of jeans. I opened the box and found old letters, cards, notebooks and little pieces of paper inside it. I read letter after letter and found out that those were from my classmates, friends, and former lovers. (: I couldn't help but smile as I read them. Memories came flashing back through my mind. I remembered how happy I was when I spent time with those people. I was planning to find another box to keep all those memorabilia, when I found an old picture of me and my "former crush". It was taken during my junior prom. I smiled at the picture and remembered how ecstatic I was that night. Moving on was a hard time but I managed to do it. I kept the picture in the box with all the other things.

After cleaning my room, I stopped to think about how fast time flies. Really. Funny how when we want one moment to last, it still ends up faster than we want it to. Sigh. I guess all those stuff in my old shoe box will remain nothing but memories. (: I'm glad I have experienced all those memories and I have learned how to move on from them.

SICK

2007-11-07T12:23:00.000+08:00

*sniffs

I hate it. I was supposed to go to school today to continue with my enrollment but when I woke up this morning, I was burning with fever. Pft. I had nothing to do but to stay home.
Ugh! I'm really not in the mood to post anything. I still have a fever and I'm getting so pissed off. Its raining here and I'm feeling cold. Oh, I need a hug. Lmao.

I'm watching The Pink Panther right now. It has been my nth time watching this movie and yet I couldn't stop laughing my as* out. Gahh! Everything's just so funny.

Waa I need to have some rest.

2007-11-07T09:35:00.000+08:00

NEW BLOG (:

aww

2007-11-06T14:23:00.000+08:00

After days and days of anticipation, I got my grades. I feel bitter about it. Lol. I mean I know I could have done better. Argh! But there's nothing that I can do now but to accept it.

The second semester is starting on the twelfth. I'm glad. I'd rather become busy with school than stay here at home doing nothing. I already got my schedule for the second semester and man, to my surprise, I had more subjects to take. I have come to terms and made up my mind, I would stay focused with my studies. Learn to manage my time.
I'll be going back to school tomorrow to continue with my enrollment. Argh!

I spent the whole afternoon with my boyfriend. (: I was so happy to be with him again.
Oh, our fourth monthsarry is fast approaching and I'm so hyped about it. I'm so blessed to have spent four amazing months with him. No regrets.

I'm just starting out with this blog.